The Path to 9/11

Bill Clinton is calling for substantial changes to ABC's tv movie about September 11th, calling it "false and defamatory".

George W. Bush hasn't asked for changes because he doesn't know anything about 9/11.

Mo Mosquitoes

Long timers will remember my rant on mosquitoes last year. It goes double for this year.

By the way, killing them is not as satisfying as actually sleeping the night before.

Bastards.

Audioslave Revelations

I love Audioslave. Their first two albums combined what was great about Soundgarden and Rage Against the Machine. Their concert last year was one of the best I've ever seen. And now I've finished their third album.

This band has always struggled to reconcile their two halves. The first album sounded like Chris Cornell singing with Rage Against the Machine. That may sound obvious but they barely sounded like they were in the same room. "Out of Exile" was better with equal contributions from all four members. At the time, I proclaimed their third album would be the one where their identity really came to the fore.

Was I wrong? A little. With few exceptions (the second half goes a little 'Superunknown') this record doesn't sound like Soundgarden or Rage. But it still doesn't sound like them. Audioslave has left their own catalogs but now they dip into Led Zeppelin and Smokey Robinson's. This album has a swing to it I didn't expect. The rhythm section has been listening to more Funk Brothers than Public Enemy this time. "Original Fire" is the 21 Century's "Going to a Go Go". There. I'm the first one to say it.

The playing and the production is again fantastic. Brendan O'Brien brings grittiness to a sound that Rick Rubin had polished. Tom Morello's guitar is the ugliest it's ever been. It sounds like the tubes in his Marshall are about to go on every song. He breaks his own riff style in favor of four chord acoustic verses that were the pride of Seattle. But his solos are the most nostalgic. Hear him dig into the whammy and wah pedal simultaneously on "Original Fire" and you'll think you're in the "Battle of Los Angeles" again.

The songs have less hooks but are somehow catchier. I dare you not to sing the chorus to "Revelations" the second time it comes around. And Chris Cornell's voice has rarely been stronger. He tends to write melodies he can only hit on his best days. Sounds like there were some good days in the sound booth. And thank God he saved his Katrina tribute for what was already the best song on the album ("Wide Awake"). The muscular drive of that song keeps his lyrics from becoming preachy and sappy.

I defend Audioslave regularly. A band with this much power can't be dismissed so easily. I just wish they'd come together into a cohesive whole. I've been waiting three albums now.

Hey Barton, what do you think?

Crocodile Hunter

I want to hear the stingray's side. I think he'd say it was self defense.

Force Cologne

Here's the latest Play Cole digital video. This one's all Bill's. He wrote, shot and edited it all himself. Congrats on your first film, Bill!

Labor Day

What does today mean? Did the Labor Party blow up a courthouse on this day? Or is it just a testament to American laziness?

Wanna let me know?

I Love Japan

Because it's the only country that thinks the ipod would be better if it ran around the room.

"This is a robot version of music-on-the-move that's so popular," said Miuro designer Shinichi Hara. Is that a bad translation or is he so crazy he said it like that?

The New York Underground Comedy Festival

More shows at The Improv Comedy Cafe. Two tonight even! Print out the picture above and bring it in. You'll get half off.

Saturday Sep 2 2006 10:30P
The World New York NY

Saturday Sep 2 2006 midnight
The World New York NY

Tuesday Sep 5 2006 8:00P
The World New York NY

Thursday Sep 7 2006 10:00P
The World New York NY


Thanks to "The World" I've been entered into the New York Underground Comedy Festival. I was not expecting to be a part of this but I'm pretty psyched. The shows again will be at the Improv Comedy Cafe on 53rd St. and 8th Ave.

Friday Sep 8 2006 midnight
New York Underground Comedy Festival New York NY

Tuesday Sep 12 2006 10:00P
New York Underground Comedy Festival New York NY

Thursday Sep 14 2006 10:00P
New York Underground Comedy Festival New York NY

Friday Sep 16 2006 12:00A
New York Underground Comedy Festival New York NY

Orson Welles 5: The Union Forever

Let's kick off the Labor Day weekend by wrapping up Orson Welles week here on Not In My Book.

I'm a big fan of the White Stripes and this is a big reason why. "The Union Forever" from White Blood Cells is entirely based on Citizen Kane. Why? Cause Jack White knows it's a damn good movie.

I have no idea if this is the official video or fan made but it is really good.

Orson Welles 4: Paul Masson

My generation grew up knowing Orson Welles as the spokesman for Paul Masson wine (that and his iconic 'Muppet Movie' cameo). But I can guarantee we never saw this commercial. Orson is so sloshed I'm sure he had no critique of the copy.

Orson Welles 3: The Critic

Maurice LaMarche also did voices for the short lived "Critic" animated series. It was a pop culture heavy show, so they took another stab at the Orson Welles frozen peas tape with Maurice. This one's only 20 seconds and they wrote their own joke, which is the funniest single line in the series.

Orson Welles 2: Yes, Always

As most of you know, the voice of the Brain in "Pinky and the Brain" was heavily influenced by Orson Welles. What you may not know it's because Maurice LaMarche was obsessed with the frozen peas tape. To this day, he performs it between takes. And once, on "Animaniacs", they let him perform the entire thing as the Brain. The finished animation makes me cry.

Orson Welles and Frozen Peas

I've seen John Candy do it on SCTV. I've heard Maurice Lamarche do it a number of times. And now I've finally heard the original.

Here's Orson Welles arguing with ad execs during a frozen peas commercial. It's glorious. Partly because he flips out completely. And partly because he's right.

Sometimes...

Even I think my toy collecting is out of control.



But the NECA Balrog was limited to 2400 pieces. And nothing is more expensive than regret.

Not In My Book Turns 1!

It is now exactly one year since I got off my fat ass and started this blog. And it's exceeded all my expectations. By about 1171 people. It's also got 32,547 hits, which is way more than I would have imagined.

Thanks to everyone that stops by regularly. The traffic has increased over the last few months and I hope that you keep coming back.

Now, who wants cake?

Rock Turtleneck

I've known Steve Walsh about six years now. Under his laid-back family man demeanor rages the heart of a lifelong music and Simpsons fan. Now, after years of urging he's finally letting it out in his new blog.

Check him out.

Pre-Blog Blog

Saturday will mark the one year anniversary of this blog. But I've been blogging three years before I had a blog.

I will now stop saying blog.

Chris Diclerico's site, which gets traffic I can only cream about, has been mentioned many times here. At one point, he wanted to have more regular updates so he asked a few friends to contribute. One of them was me. It was a lot of fun but after a while it felt like sleeping on his couch. As cool as it was to be there, I needed my own place.

Chris, to my sorrow, has never put a permanent link to me on his site. He's mentioned it a few times and every time people poured in (the creaming). But he does have an archive of every post I wrote for him. Looking at them now, they read like a pilot for Not in My Book.

Take a look at old me.

MT and R

The IT guy just complimented my "X Files" t shirt (geeks need to stick together). It was a freebie from when I worked at the Museum of Television and Radio.

I started at the museum in 1999 when work slowed down at Art Asylum. I had to wear a tie. I had to lead tour groups. I had to dim the lights in the screening rooms. I had to memorize little speeches. That was about it.

It was the easiest job in the world. At least it was supposed to be. For some reason the managers took it WAY too seriously. Men had to take out their earrings. Microwave popcorn was banned from the kitchen. And I went from leading tour groups to making change at the register. Suddenly, I was right back where I didn't want to be; working retail. When I expressed my dismay at the transfer I was told to go into therapy. The moment an advertising job turned up (one year later) I jumped on it.

I met the most interesting people there. Sid Caesar. Matthew Modine. Tony Randall. Jon Stewart. Lauren Bacall. Michael J. Fox. Walter Cronkite. Joyce Randolph. I had a pleasant conversation with Trixie one night. I packed Howdy Doody into storage. I held a Michael Westmore Star Trek head. I touched Ralph Kramden's table. All for 8 bucks an hour.

Even though I was mourning the loss of my comic book career, those were creative months. Mark Goldman would come in from Opie and Anthony punchy and hilarious. Marshall would create bizarre impressions of Orson Welles and the Supercar theme song. Dave would leave every four minutes for a smoke and pitch a show called "Choc Ice". He wrote it while high. Gina would encourage us to do the open mike at Hamburger Harry's. Pilar would bounce in with an animation idea and talk so fast we couldn't get it. Bobby and Raul would come down from maintenance to talk about Black Sabbath. Andrew would try to manage us but mostly ended up our sounding board.

It kept my days productive. I started writing real sketches and a "Spongebob" spec script. I created a website. I started a screenplay that would take six years to complete. I dressed up as Gromit for a day. I did the open mike at Hamburger Harry's. I would bring dates in after hours and pull up old "Sgt. Bilko" episodes. I started an intense relationship that imploded in six weeks. And a month later, I met my wife. That's even better than the shirt.

Eliminating Unnecessary Words

I was going to write a post on tightening my setups but, ironically, it ran too long.

Here's an awesome monkey.

Madman Moment

Bush says "Leaving Iraq would be a disaster". As opposed to what we have now?

Shatner Roast

The Comedy Central roasts are never that good. Once they lost their partnership with the Friar's Club, they started putting on anybody. Including Pamela Anderson. But tonight they got Shatner. So I'm interested. And of course, so is Bill. 10:00 tonight.

Indubitably Delicious

Fouind this on Mark Evanier's blog. It's a 1987 cereal commercial. Back in high school, Pat Antoine became obsessed with this. He was popular so we all became obsessed with it. Watching it now, I have no idea why. It's horrible.

Ozzwald

Walker sent me this.

Writing Can Be Fun!

This one was, anyway. Check out the Marvel products Master Replicas has planned for next year. I wrote the copy on all the pages and it brought me one step closer to my dream job.

Bruno Kirby

Bruno Kirby has passed away from leukemia at the age of 57.

I was not expecting this. Kirby had just done an episode of "Entourage". He was still working. I also didn't know you could get leukemia so late. A kid in my high school had it and he didn't make it to senior year. To be diagnosed at 57 is unsettling, to say the least.

Bruno Kirby was a great character actor who made about 60 films. More than half of them are great. Two of them, Godfather: Part II and When Harry met Sally are perfect. They couldn't be more different but Bruno Kirby made his roles in each memorable. Thanks to his quirky energy and his squeaky yet melodic voice, you could never look away from a Kirby performance. He will be missed.

Simpsons Season 8

The last of the great Simpsons seasons comes out on dvd today. It includes my all time favorite episode, "You Only Move Twice" guest starring Albert Brooks as Hank Scorpio. It's got "Mountain of Madness" with some beautiful Mr. Burns moments. It's got Frank Grimes.

And it also has a fantastic crossover with "The X Files" showcasing the voices of David Duchovny, Gillian Anderson and Leonard Nimoy. Considering the mood I'm in lately, this will be the first one I watch. If you want to watch half the episode, here it is.

Toy Run

WARNING: NERD POST. LONG NERD POST.

I don't get a lot of time off anymore. Between working full time, doing the Improv three nights a week and shooting various projects for people, I've lost most of my free time.

But yesterday I had the day off. The whole day. So I called Joe Franzem and we went on a toy run. If you're a toy collector, a toy run is your greatest challenge. It's expensive, frustrating and involves malls. A good partner is essential. Joe's been collecting for twenty years. He's so good he can tell you what parking space to take at the mall. I'd be in good hands.

I got in the Beetle and three blocks later the plastic bottom of the car fell out (this happens to Beetles over a certain mileage). I was pissed but I only had one day off. My car wants to fall apart, fuck it. I'm still going. I got under the car, ripped the rest of the plastic out and got back on the road

Joe and I headed out to Long Island. The Toys R' Us yielded my first find: the Young Avengers box set. I was going to pass on it but Robert Yee lent me the graphic novel and damn if it wasn't great. So now I need the figures. They also had DC Direct and Star Trek: the Next Generation toys, which was weird. These are only supposed to be in comic stores. At least I can say my writing now appears in Toys R' Us. I bought a Knightfall Nightwing for seven bucks.

From there it was on to Amok Time. I love this place. It's pretty far out so you feel like you're making a pilgramage. The display cases are full of Star Wars and Mego toys from the 1970's while the pegs are stuffed with rare new figures. It was here we found Sideshow's Krycek.

As you'll see from the link, this figure is long gone, limited to 500 pieces worldwide. And ever since I bought the final dvds of "The X Files" I've wanted the complete figure collection. I've been fighting for this guy on ebay and losing. And there he was. Only one of him.

Joe and I both looked at each other and said the same thing. "You gonna buy him?" The price was slightly higher than I wanted to pay. I just lost one on ebay for less. "I think I can keep looking." Joe grabbed him instantly. I consoled myself with a Green Lantern Salakk and a couple of Marvel Minimates. I get Minimates free from Art Asylum but it's always a random sampling. Every now and then I like to get the ones I missed.

We drove to the nearest Wal Mart and found the new super poseable Batman from Mattel. They had only two of him so this time we could each have one. We headed home and Joe asked, "You want more minimates?" Sure. Why? "You can have mine." Your doubles? "Nah, all of them. I don't want them." I dropped Joe off at his house and he came up from the basement with fifty minimates and all the X Files palz. And two Star Trek ships. And Gumby. He wouldn't take no for an answer. It was too much stuff but he told me to go fuck myself and take them. Toy karma for Krycek, I suppose.

I went home with the largest amount of new toys I've ever gotten in one day. Some were rare, some were old and some were unexpected. But the ones that meant the most were the ones I got for being a friend. Good day off.

More shows at "The World"!

UPDATE: Here's the rest of August.

Tuesday Aug 15 2006 8:00P

Thursday Aug 17 2006 10:00P

Friday Aug 18 2006 10:30P

Tuesday Aug 22 2006 10:00P

Thursday Aug 24 2006 10:00P

Friday Aug 25 2006 12:00A

Tuesday Aug 29 2006 10:00P

Thursday Aug 31 2006 10:00P



And I have a special AUDITION at Comic Strip Live next Monday. I have five free passes to this one so let me know if you want to be there.

Monday Aug 21 2006 8:00P
Comic Strip Live
1568 2nd Ave Btwn 81st and 82nd St.
New York NY

Curb your Enthusiasm Season 6

It's gonna happen.

I need to pick up Season 5 on dvd before I have a clear prediction (the last season got mixed reviews) but considering there have only been two great sitcoms this decade and one (Arrested Development) has been cancelled, I'm glad to see the other surviving.

Shaken, Stirred and Whining

Daniel Craig should not read this blog. In fact, he shouldn't go online at all. He's too sensitive.

Craig was named the new James Bond when talks with Pierce Brosnan fell through. Shooting is complete on "Casino Royale" which up to now, was the only of Ian Fleming's novels never officially filmed (not counting the 50's television version and that weird parody with Peter Sellers and Woody Allen). Sounds like it should go back to basics and showcase a leaner, tougher Bond.

But the actor playing Bond is complaining. He's hurt by the fan response. He thinks people won't accept a new Bond. Dude, it's been 40 years. We've accepted FIVE new Bonds. And one of them was George Lazenby. What we won't accept is a crybaby in the role. Shut up and shoot people.

Lieberman's Loss

If Joe Lieberman is this far in denial, imagine when he gets to anger. He might get a gun. No, wait, he's for gun control.

He might support the war in Iraq. Sorry. He's already doing that.

He might play "Grand Theft Auto". Oh, I see he's trying to get that game off the market.

He might come up with another catch phrase that starts with "Joe". Like "Jo mama" or "Joe to hell" or "I can't believe my strategy for reaching the common man was reminding them my name is Joe".

Vote for Andrew!

I got this email from Andrew Torres today:

A couple of weeks ago I did a three-minute presentation for The
Speaking Channel, a broadband channel devoted to effective
communication. Each contestant had to sell a "product," without props
or graphs. The "product" I chose to sell was myself, since I was
basically auditioning for my own broadband show. I did it kind of like
stand-up, since that's what I'm used to.

Here's where you come in. Please head over to the Speaking Channel
website and vote for me.

Andrew's good at a lot of things but he is a born broadcaster. This is exactly where he wants to be and needs to be. So let's show him the power of this blog. Head over to the Speaking Channel and vote. You don't even have to watch his video (but if he asks, say you did).

Vote for him!

1990's

Is it too early for me to be nostalgic for the '90's? Sure, VH1 has a show about it but they have a show about your last lunch hour. I miss the actual 90's.

I miss Jane's Addiction. That's probably because I first got laid to Summertime Rolls. Which will fuck you up for life by the way.

I miss Kurt Cobain being a genius and not a cautionary example.

I miss being 118 pounds and eating steak-umms for lunch.

I miss plaid.

I miss the X-Men being a cartoon and not a series of increasingly gay movies.

I miss OJ. And so does Ford motors.

I miss the X Files. Especially before we learned the government is too stupid to pull off cover-ups or conspiracies.

I miss wars that last two weeks.

I miss news stories that weren't happening to me personally.

I miss a president with a personality. Even a big goofy personality.

I miss Star Trek being popular. Nerdy as all hell but popular just the same.

I miss comic books selling a million copies. Especially shitty comic books.

I miss Guns n' Roses. Well, I don’t miss the Spaghetti Incident but you get the idea.

What about you?

Beatsie Boys

I was at Jeannie and Aaron's party on Saturday when this song came on. It made me realize something. If I told you in 1987 these guys would be making great music 20 years later, you'd have kicked me in the taint.



Greatest opening for a video ever. "Do you like parties?"

New Dates

Three shows at "The World" this week.
As always, it's the Improv Comedy Cafe 53rd and 8th Ave.

Tuesday August 8 10:00 p.m.
Thursday August 10 10:00 p.m.
Friday August 11 midnight

Pinky and the Brain

In 1993, I was reconsidering my music career for one in writing (I'd do this a few times over the years)when Animaniacs premiered. I'd get home from college in time for it and since Batman: the Animated Series would follow it, I made sure I'd always be home.

I was amused by the first episode until a segment came on for Pinky and the Brain. It was the most brilliant thing I'd ever seen. The premise is incredibly simple; two lab mice that want to take over the world. The fact that one had the voice of Orson Welles put it over the top.

As soon as I saw it, I knew it was what I wanted to write. That's right. A cartoon changed my life. That should surprise none of you. By the time the characters were given their own show, I was taping it.

I haven't seen it in years but the first season just came out on dvd. Watching the four disc set, I can't understand why it's not rerun. Cartoon Network should have it on every day. It's just as sharp , original and downright emotional as it it's ever been. Oh and it has the best theme song ever. Which is right here.

Suri Sightings

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' baby is the new UFO. Because only scientologists claim to have seen it.

FREE show in Brooklyn tonight!

Try as you might, you can't escape the hipsters.

Thursday, August 3rd, 8pm
That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore
@ Laila Lounge
317 N7th Street Williamsburg, Brooklyn
North 7th and berry off the bedford L stop.
8pm

with
Josh Spear
Rob Cantrel
Matty Goldberg
Ed Murray
Lara Yaz
Tim Warner
Jon Clarke
and more!

Hosted by Abby Koenig

Crazy Mel

There's nothing I love more than an imploding celebrity.

When I saw the story about Mel Gibson getting arrested for drunk driving, I ignored it. All celebrities get arrested for drunk driving. It's a rite of passing. Those two girls from "Lost" got arrested for drunk driving and they're not even on the show anymore. Kelsey Grammar flipped his car over in his own driveway.

But last night Ian Federgreen gave me the whole story. Which, according to the news, went like so:

During his arrest, Gibson asked the arresting deputy whether he was a Jew and said, "F---ing Jews. The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world,"

Today he apologized, calling it "a moment of insanity". That moment began in 1997.

Here's the best part; Mel's project on the HOLOCAUST has been cancelled. Which means he was making a project on the HOLOCAUST. Which took place during one of those wars they started. Right, Mel?

I like his picture though. I don't care how good an actor you are; you can't fake that drunken smile.

Vinyl Edition

I met Barton through Ed Murray and we instantly hit it off. One look at his blog and you'll know why. He hits music with the voice of an even more sarcastic Lester Bangs. It's funny, it's cool and now it's in my right column.

Take a look.

New Dates!

Here's my shows for the next week.Come see one. Sometimes I am very good.

"The World" Improv Comedy Cafe 53rd and 8th Ave.

Monday, July 31 10.pm. TONIGHT
Tuesday, August 1 8:00 & 10:00 p.m.
Friday, August 4 midnight

SPECIAL BROOKLYN SHOW!
Laila Lounge, Williamsburg
Thursday August 3 8:00

Steve Martin and Johnny Cash

I love it when my heroes meet. I have a picture of Jack Nicholson and Bob Dylan on my guitar case since 1989. That's why I love this. It's not the funniest thing in the world but you have to admit the still picture alone is awesome.

Lack of Ettiquette

Apparantly, my entire performance was taken out of "Laughing Matters" last night. Screw it, nobody watched anyway. It's public access. I went to "The World" last night and killed. That's what matters.

Want to see what else matters? Come to 265 McKibbins in Brooklyn at 9:00 to see Ed Murray, Lara Yaz and Tim Warner in "Lack of Ettiquette". Sue Ball will be hosting. It couldn't be a better night if I was blowing you.

I'll be videotaping the proceedings on my trusty HD camera. I also took the promo shots for the show and even I think they came out pretty well.

"Laughing Matters" Tonight!

The public access show we did is airing tonight on MNN. It went really well so see it. The last one was available for download later and if that happens again, I'll give you a permanent link. But, just like Manny Manhattan's show, you can go to Mnn at 11 tonight and click on Channel 57. We'll be there. (Or, if you actually, live in Manhattan, you can watch on the same channel, same time. Imagine that!)

Play Cole Hits 10,000!

We've never been featured on youtube (which would guarantee us at least 100,000 hits) but all on our own, we've managed to crack 10,000 views! Let's see how it breaks down:

Frank and the Steins: 221

Lunching With Larry 1: 41

Lunching With Larry 2: 35

Lunching With Larry 3: 25

Andrew's stand-up:84

Jon's stand-up:1013

Lara's stand-up:400

Douggie Green: 150

Lazzeris:200

Stevens File:82

Job Interview:758

Cmon Cmon:309

Tension Envelopes:464

Planet of the Apes:531

Blind Travelogue 1: 205

Blind Travelogue 2:95

Blind Travelogue 3: 143

Moses:982

Muppet Show: 4354(PLUS another 1300 on google video!)

Obviously Muppet Show has been the runaway hit of the videos, and rightly so. We've been working hard to bring the level of our performances up to those plastic dolls. "Moses" got picked up by a few religious blogs and saw a huge spike in traffic. And for some reason over 1000 people have wanted to see my stand-up.

Thanks to everyone who's been a part of these videos. It's been a lot of hard work but judging from the response it's been worth it. Please feel free to send these videos around to anyone you know. Youtube makes it very easy to link or email videos and we'd love some of these to become viral.

(by the way Frank and the Steins is now also up on google video. Check it out if you want to see it again.)

An Open Letter to Saddam Hussein

Saddam, I've been keeping up with your trial and now I'm convinced. You're bipolar. Look at the facts. Your threats and protests are getting less focused and poorly thought out. And let's face it, you have a lot of time to polish your threats. You protest that the Americans brought you to court against your will. That's true. We also took you out of your spider hole against your will. Your will hasn't meant much since 2002.

And calling your lawyer an "enemy of the people"? Not a great defense move. Especially when your lawyers have a habit of getting murdered. You need friends, Saddam. That guy is the only one talking to you right now. That guy and me. Be nice.

Maybe that 18 day hunger strike wasn't the best strategy. I think you're lightheaded. And cranky. Your rants used to sound supervillainy. Now you just sound like you live under the 59th St. bridge.

Sorry Saddam, just because you refer to yourself in the third person does not mean you're Dr. Doom. You're just proving to the world that you're kinda fucked up. And, as I've mentioned before, that's all we want.

Itsy Bitsy

When I have kids, they will have this. Even if I have to go to ebay.

On Location

Since I wasn't in San Diego this weekend, I went upstate to shoot an independent film (digital video actually) for Ed Murray. It's the first thing I've ever shot that I didn't write so it was fun simply concentrating on cinematography. The script Ed and Emily wrote is darker, more erudite and way creepier than anything I could have come up with.

San Diego Comic Convention

I was planning to go and yet I'm not there. Why? Well, it's a long story that involves people saying, "yeah yeah, totally, we'll go " for a year and then blowing me off last week. Those people are all at the convention. But I'm not bitter.

To prove it, I'll show you some coverage online here, here and here. Next year I'm booking my own room.

Blackout Day 5

The big news is they're actually reporting it. Took them long enough.

The blackout of 2003 lasted about 18 hours. People still talk about it like the Kennedy assassination. But since this one is localized in my neighborhood, no one cares five days in. Yesterday Bloomberg said he didn't need to go to Queens. Someone must have told him how unbelievably callous that was cause he was in Astoria that afternoon, not talking to anyone.

Renee and I went down to Rockaway to visit my family. We hadn't had time to stop by since Father's Day so I guess staying away from the house is paying off.

I actually saw a light go on in my house this morning. I would have investigated further but I had to leave for work in a torrential thunderstorm. Fun week.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

There's still no power in my neighborhood so I've had time to think about this movie.

In a word: overblown.

The first picture was a real surprise to me. It was fun, fast-paced and surprisingly tight. It did everything the genre ever did well and did it better. This is not the first movie.

How do you make a good sequel? You have to take things one step further to top the first film. This movie takes too many steps. Instead of evil pirates with a flash of the supernatural, we get giant slimy cg sea monsters. As main characters.

I could buy Geoffrey Rush turning into a skeleton in the moonlight. It was handled tastefully and in small enough doses that it was a delight each time he transformed. But I can't buy Bill Nighy as a dripping fish man with venting tentacles. I don't believe him and therefore I'm not scared of him. Ditto for the crab men and squid men and starfish men. There is no way these creatures live in the same universe as the first film.

And the action also goes over the line. While the sequences are choreographed well and briskly edited, they would kill a human body in thirty seconds flat. I know action movies usually make their heroes superhuman. But there's a difference between Indiana Jones knocking a statue through a wall and Indy jumping out of a plane with a life raft. One stretches believablity, the other walks right over it. Guess which route Dead Man's Chest takes?

The characters get some good moments and we learn a little more about Jonny Depp's backstory but it's not enough. There's simply too little story in this film. Dead Man's Chest was written and shot alongside Part 3 and it shows. I get the feeling they had some more great ideas and saved them for the next installment. It didn't work for the Matrix, it didn't work for Back to the Future (though I like Part 2) and it doesn't work here.

I've always had a theory that you can't make a sequel to a comedy. When you want to top an action movie you make it bigger, louder and more expensive. To make a comedy sequel you have to make it funnier. And that's nearly impossible. The first film was a comedy, in the way Men in Black or Hellboy was a comedy. It took the threats seriously but had fun with the characters and tone. This one puts a serious tone on the characters for some odd reason. It assumes we'll have fun with the ramped up action. I didn't. I just left depressed and skeptical.

But dammit, the last minute makes me want to see Part 3.

Read what the other critics have to say.

Blackout

I've got no power.

The temperature shot up to about 100 degrees this week and Con Ed couldn't handle it. We noticed an issue Monday night when the dvd player ran with no sound. The lights looked like one bulb had burnt out. We spent the evening trying to watch dvds on the laptop. It runs fine on the battery but overheated almost instantly. I read and went to sleep.

I'm freelancing again so I got to spend the day in Manhattan under central air. It's the first time I've been happy to work in an office in a long time. It's not like I could watch the five hours of "Star Trek" on SpikeTV anyway.

That night, Renee and I decided to avoid the house and went to the movies instead. We saw Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest but I'll get to that tomorrow. On the way home the sky exploded with lightning. The rain poured down. All the street lights were out so driving was a bit hairy but we were glad the heat wave had broken. Maybe the power would return.

Nope.

Turns out the storm did more damage, overloading power lines and darkening LaGuardia airport. Since we live five minutes from LaGuardia, we had nothing. We slept in the living room and took off early this morning.

Between the the limited trains, the slower service and the overloaded buses, it took me an hour and a half to get into work today. I'm at the Improv tonight so my house has another fifteen hours to come back to life. Let's see if it does. I can deal with the loss of air conditioning, light and refrigerated food. But if I can't get my tv back on, I'll go a little squirrely.

Amazing Screw On Head

Mike Mignola will probably go down in history as the man who created Hellboy and rightly so. It's a beautiful, creepy, funny, intense book that's just as original today as when it was created in 1994.

But Mignola has done other things. He's drawn Batman and Superman and the X-Men and Spider-Man and done great work with all of them. He also created another book; The Amazing Screw-On Head. And Sci-Fi made a pilot of it.

Here's where it gets interesting. I could tell you it's a great show because it has all the atmosphere of Hellboy with dialogue that sounds like The Tick. I could tell you that it captures the look of Mignola's art when even the team creating the Hellboy animated movie said it couldn't be done. I could tell you that it stars Paul Giamatti, David Hyde Pierce and Molly Shannon. And all of this would be true.

But what makes this show notable is the way Sci Fi is marketing it. They commissioned the pilot, they bought it and they're going to air it next week. But they're still waiting to see if it will become a series. This is where you come in. You can see the entire pilot (yes, the entire pilot) now on Sci Fi.com. Then you can fill out a survey to help decide whether it will get a full order of episodes. This is all before the pilot even airs.

Sci Fi is at a critical point in its development. After years of airing straight to video movies that couldn't make it to video, they finally have a critical and commercial success with the new Battlestar Galactica. And they want to keep going in that direction, with smarter, sharper, more interesting properties. Is Amazing Screw On Head a part of that direction? Go and tell them yourself.

WWIII

Bill just posted a long article about World War III. His position (and Air America's) is that it's already begun with hostilities between the Israelis and the Hezbollah reaching an all time high. It's only a matter of time before the US gets involved with aid, then troop support, then combat.

Bill maps out the strategies of all the major powers over the next few months but he doesn't take into account what will happen here. Let's just look at our military. For the last four years, we've been at war. We've left a lot of troops in Afghanistan, looking for Bin Ladin. The way O.J.'s looking for the real killers. Nothing against their gumption, it's just that they don't have the resources to do the job completely.

Our resources are all divested in Iraq. Because Saddam looked at us cross eyed. Bush used Afghanistan to invade Iraq and never had any plan to occupy it. They actually believed invading forces would be welcomed by all the disparate factions in that country. Cause Bush didn't have a big black moustache.

We're four years in Iraq too. We've lost 2,000 soldiers. And we don't have the budget to keep the ones we got. Remember the stories about soldiers not having enough armor or ammunition? Or not being allowed to go home after their tour was up? That's still happening. The only reason my cosuin Sean got home in a year was because he signed up for an extremely dangerous detail.

Bush has also spent the last six years giving big business tax breaks and you $300. We went from the biggest surplus to the biggest deficit within his first term. Our economy ain't too great either so there's less taxable income to pull from the middle class. They haven't seen a raise in three years while expenses continue to rise. Expenses like all that precious oil.

Now comes a huge war. Several countries in the region have only one thing in common; they hate the US. Hell, everybody hates the US. Our president has an approval rating in the 30's for God's sake. When the temperature is in the 30's you cover all your exposed skin.

A lot of the forces in the Middle East have a vested interest in watching us fall. They know we're stretched too thin. And they know we're not going to pull out of any country any time soon. So if a few thousand more US troops are killed, all the better for them.

Rome fell because it was beseiged on all sides while a corrupt senate and a mad emperor held sway. Sound familiar? When Bush was reelected I predicted that the US would collapse in 2007. Silly me. I thought we'd collapse from within.

Today 3 p.m.

I love comedy. But more than that, I just fucking love comedians.

The Religious Right Vs. Ed

This is the funniest thing I've seen online in ages.

I've mentioned Ed Murray's blog before. I've always considered him a strong comic whose career is just getting rolling. I take that back. Now all I want is to be the head writer on whatever show the networks kill each other to give him.

Ed picked up a story from one of his friends about a right-wing anti abortionist extremist blog. The blogger was railing against the pro death liberal media and quoted an inflammatory article by the Onion.

Yes, that Onion.

Hilarious on its own. But what makes Ed a genius was that he took the extra step. He contacted the guy. First he was going to expose him for the myopic, obtuse Cro Magnon he is. But then Ed says no. He swings the pendulum the other way. He poses as an even more right wing religious nut and attacks the blogger for making light of his beliefs. At one point he says, and I quote:

I assume your other articles are responses to pieces from MAD magazine, or maybe one from National Lampoon ...

Now there's an email war brewing. I bet Ed keeps it going for at least two weeks. And you better be there for each round.

(And for the record, I'm actually pro life. I'm just anti-moron.)

Syd Barrett Dies

We shall never see his particular brand of crazy again.

Rest in peace, Syd.

Frank and the Steins

We're all real happy with this one. We shot in high def. We rented a studio. We bought costumes. We got Hector Luis and Lara Yaz. And it is still the dumbest thing we ever came up with.

Check out our new band; Frank and the Steins.

Back on Manny Manhattan News tonight!

Remember when I was on public access/online a few months ago? Manny Manhattan put my set at New York Comedy Club on his show and it wasn't my best. Well, it seems I'm on again. I have no idea when he taped this or what I did but if you want to know, go to MNN and click on ch. 57 at 1 a.m. tonight.

By the way, I'm still waiting to hear when "Laughing Matters" will air. That set did go well and I'd like you to see it.

And since we're on the subject, I've been appearing at the Improv. A lot. So much that it's not worth promoting each date here (we've got Johnny Cash albums to talk about!) but here are my shows for the next two weeks. They're all at the Improv Comedy Cafe on 53rd and 8th Ave. Come by and say you're going to see me. You'll get in half price for a show with real headliners, great comics and a reasonable running time. Oh, look, there's one tonight.


Wed. Jul 12 2006 8:00P

Thurs. Jul 13 2006 10:00P

Fri. Jul 14 2006 10:30P and 12:00A

Wed. Jul 19 2006 8:00P

Fri. Jul 21 2006 10:30P

Fri. Jul 28 2006 12:00P

Sun. Jul 30 2006 10:00P

Mon. Jul 31 2006 10:00P

American V: A Hundred Highways

Johnny Cash died in 2003, less than a year after releasing "American IV: The Man Comes around." That album was powerful, the sound of a man looking death square in the eye. It sounded like the final words from a booming voice. I'd heard rumors there was another album but with Johnny's health failing, there was no way it could be as good as "The Man Comes Around".

It's better. Where "The Man Comes Around" was Cash fighting with his last ounce of strength, "A Hundred Highways" is a man at peace. He faced death and come to terms with it. This is a spiritual record, much like "My Mother's Hymn Book" in the "Unearthed" box set. People forget that underneath the tough, brash, impulsive exterior of Cash was a soulful, religious man (it's something the movie forgot, too). This album showcases that side and provides something I never expected; closure.

Thank Rick Rubin. It was his idea fifteen years ago to record an acoustic album for Johnny. That idea has become five albums, a box set and a live special with Willie Nelson. But it wasn't just inspiration. It's also Rubin's choices and guidance that makes these albums resonate. Cash was a songwriter but he wasn't afraid to do covers, whether they were from U2 or the civil war. The songs always go for emotion over genre. Besides, any song Johnny Cash sings is instantly a Johnny Cash song.

Rubin always knew how to use Johnny's voice. In the liner notes, Rick says that some days the voice was the old man in black, other days it was weaker and vulnerable. Rubin always had songs that fit. Compare the proclamation of "God Will Cut You Down" to the introspective "If You Could Read My Mind".

The American series caught my attention early on and if it's truly over (if there are truly no more rarities to release) it's one of the high points in my cd collection. If anyone wants to understand Johnny Cash, this is where I'll take them.

Read what other critics are saying about "A Hundred Highways".

Star trek Vs. Batman trailer

Oh yeah. It's online, monkey boy.

Louis CK

Louis CK is a phenomenal comedian. I've only seen the pilot for "Lucky Louie" and it has all the right ingredients, if not the result.

Either way, here's an interview is the most in-depth look I've ever seen at a comedian's career. Every high and low is included. Learn how you're perceived when you get Conan O'Brien off the ground but leave before it's successful. Experience writing a show with Dana Carvey, Charlie Kaufman and Stephen Colbert that dies insitantly. Find out what happens when your first motion picture is "Pootie Tang".

Read the interview.

Emmys

The nominations are in. And the funny little number occurs halfway down the article:

The nominees for best comedy series are "Arrested Development," "Curb Your Enthusiasm," "The Office," "Scrubs" and "Two and a Half Men."

I'm sorry. Two and a Half Men?

I watched that for four months only because it was broadcast in widescreen. It's a serviceable sitcom but next to "Arrested Development" or "Curb Your Enthusiasm" it's an embarrassment.

Oh, and Charlie Sheen is up against Larry David for best comedic actor. Excuse me while I swallow some broken glass.

Superman Returns

Now I know why Bryan Singer left X-Men.

As I mentioned in my X-Men 3 review, that movie was created under a cloud. Bryan Singer was unceremoniously dumped after deciding to make Superman first. At the time, I was pretty bummed. I'm a bigger X-Man fan than a Superman fan and I wanted to see Singer close out that trilogy before starting a new franchise. It didn't happen and we got the just-okay X3. Now we get to see if Superman was worth it.

Singer made the right decision. You can tell in the amount of passion he's poured into it. He loves the Richard Donner films. He LOVES them. There are so many nods to the Christopher Reeve era it's dizzying. Glenn Ford's picture on the mantle in Smallville. Marlon Brando's old footage in the Fortress of Solitude. Lois Lane's bad spelling. It all goes right back to the 1978 original.

The performances go back there too. Brandon Routh isn't just playing Clark Kent; he's playing Christopher Reeve's Clark Kent. Kevin Spacey's casual, whimsical approach to Luthor is Gene Hackman's approach to Luthor. Kate Bosworth doesn't imitate Margot Kidder, though. Probably because she's not insane.

Of course, the special effects dwarf anything done in the Christopher Reeve era. Back then, everyone was excited that they could put Superman on a blue screen. Now Superman flies with a moving camera. You get him in flight from all angles. Not only can he fly, he can catch a flaming airplane, something I've wanted to see since John Byrne's Man of Steel (though Bruce Timm took a good crack at it). And the shots of Superman's x-ray vision are downright beautiful. The cg does however go a touch too far in the backgrounds for my taste. Metropolis looks like Peter Jackson's Manhattan and not as lifelike as the rest of the picture.

It's a really good film. Not great like Batman Begins or even X2 but really good. That's the fault of the character more than the film. Everyone likes Superman, but no one I know loves him. Not in the way they love Spider-Man, Batman or Wolverine. Those characters have flaws which make them compelling. Superman is designed to have no flaws whatsoever. He's complete escapist entertainment. And that's fun, but not deep.

Ken Lay Dead

Moment of silence for "Kenny Boy".

That's damn well enough. You're not going to find a lot of people sad about this one. At his conviction, Lay said, "We believe God is in fact in control and indeed he does work all things for good for those who love the Lord."

Hmm. Guess he was right.

UPDATE: They're burning the fat bastard up.

Lunching With Larry

Say you haven't seen a Play Cole film in a while? Well let's overcompensate. Here are three 30 second pieces Andrew made. Watch them in order.

Happy 4th of July!

4 years of war and we're still celebrating our country with explosions.

Ozzy

It is so friggin hot today I can't think. And Dave W. wanted to see Ulrike's picture of Ozzy. So here he is.

Ulrike Richter

You may have noticed a lot of professional looking pictures of me lately. That's all thanks to Ulrike Richter, who took not only my headshots but all the action shots on stage. She made me look great but she made Fozzie look like a movie star. Upstaged by my own cat.

Check out her website.

Eddie Izzard and Bono

Monica just sent me this. Two guys from the UK who seem to annoy people despite the fact that they're great. Take a look.

Jon's on TV tonight!

Okay, it's public access taping. But man, is it gonna be good. Come by tonight and see

Jon Clarke
Hector Luis
Tim Warner
Drake
Mike Dobbins
Maddog Mattern
Tino
Sue Ball

on tv (well, public access) for free!

Laughing Matters
MNN network
537 W. 59th St. (between 10th and 11th Avenue)
June 30, 9 p.m.

TV Crossovers

As a comic book guy, I'm all into the "shared universe" idea. Where the Fantastic Four live in the same world as Thor even though they have their separate books.

That's why I'm so addicted to this site which lists every spin-off, guest appearance and honorable mention between tv shows. Detective Munch on the "X Files"? Got it. Bob Hartley and Carol on "Murphy Brown"? It's here. "Team Knight Rider" and "Star Trek"? I shit you not. They're all connected.

Read it, drop acid and remember that both "Newhart" and "St. Elsewhere" in their final episodes, were simply dreams. It'll freak you out, soul brother.

Blackstronauts

When I first saw this, I was a little pissed. These guys did the same format we used for "Zany Boys" and blew us off the stage. Good thing they haven't done any figure animation.

Kevin Quits the Backstreet Boys

Oh my God.

The Backstreet Boys were still together?

Road Gig

Last night was totally unexpected.

Renee and I were walking down Steinway St with the Wasklewiczs when I got a call from the incomparable Jen Adams.

"Hey! What you up to tonight?"
"I have people with me and I need to drive them to the airport at like 7."
"Fuck."
"What's going on?"
"Ed Murray and I have a gig in Connecticut tonight and we don't have a car. If you can drive I'll give you a spot."
"I can pick you up at 7:30."
"It's at 9. And it's 75 miles away."
"Fuck."

I figures that was the end of it. Man, it would have been great to do a show on the road. We had thai with Dave and Heather and I actually liked it. That should have been a sign. I found the aforementioned Marvel Legends and we went back home for them to pack. Jen called again.

"Fucking rental car comapny. I am so screwed. Can you pick us up?"
"I'm on my way."
"I'll tell the club we'll be late."

As I may have mentioned before, I hate driving. I am convinced everyone on the road is trying to kill themselves and they all want to use my silver Beetle to do it(Jen asked me if I was Jewish. No, just paranoid). But comedy has had a habit of making me to do things I'm scared of. Self-promote. Bark. And drive out of state.

I dropped Dave and Heather at LaGuardia (wish they could come back once a month) and Ed and Jen took their places. We drove two hours up to Hamden and everything I hoped about a long car ride with comics came true. We shared our life stories, views on comedy and insights on each other's material.

We pulled up to the Side Street Grill actually on time. The place gave us three seismic burgers and a round of drinks as soon as we walked in. I asked Jen which order we'd go up.

"I dunno. You wanna open and emcee?"

Jen hosts her own mic every week. Ed hosted the night I auditioned for "The World". I'd never hosted. Then again, I've never eaten thai food or driven to Connecticut on my own either.

"Sure."

There were about thirty people in the audienceand everyone listened. I did ten minutes and introduced Ed to the stage. He did 20 minutes and could have easily done another 20. I came back for a little crowd work brought Jen up as the headliner. She did an hour that started strong and climaxed with a ten minute rant that had the crowd hanging on her every word. The crowd came back to congratulate us. And we all got paid. Perfect gig.

The drive home was even better. They were a little drunk, I was relaxed and the conversation got deeper. We took a detour to drop Ed off in Brooklyn(I had vowed never to drive in Brooklyn) and headed home. At 2 a.m. Jen decided to do another set at Ha! and hopped in a cab. I got home and wondered how with all the planning life demands, a perfect night can just drop into your lap.

I didn't even expect the Marvel figures.

Not that you'd care but..

I finally found the Wal Mart exclusive Marvel Legends wave!

And the best part is I didn't have to go to Wal Mart.

Play Cole Shooting Today

New camera, expanded cast and an actual location this time. Not telling what it is but it involves this:

Earth Hottest in 2,000 Years

Here's proof.

Notice the article doesn't mention what "human activities" are causing the global warming. Don't want to piss off the oil companies and air conditioner manufacturers that buy banner space on CNN's website.

The article also mentions "The Bush administration has maintained that the threat is not severe enough to warrant new pollution controls that the White House says would have cost 5 million Americans their jobs." So it has nothing to do with cutting more breaks for big business.

I think I realize what I hate most about the Bush administration. Shortsightedness.
Take 300 dollars. We have the money.
Let the dock workers strike. It's only Christmas.
Bin Ladin couldn't possibly attack us.
We don't need alliances with other countries.
Iraq will love us.
Fuck hybrids. We're waiting for the hydrogen car.
We don't need to build up the levees in New Orleans.
Africa owes us money. We won't forget it.
The planet is fine. Business as usual.


I spent Bush's first administration waiting for assasination attempts (I'm sure they happened. They were just never reported). I spend this administration waiting for the U.S. to collapse. Just like Russia. Renee once told me it would never happen. Russia collapsed because the officials stole all the money for themselves. Then she got real quiet.

The Wasklewicz Testimonial Show Tonight!

Come see the great David Wasklewicz tonight!

And I'll be on stage yammering on about something.

Jon Clarke
NY Comedy Club
241 E. 24th Street between 2nd and 3rd Avenue
New York, NY
Thursday 6/22/06
9 p.m.

Pope Palpatine

Walker sent me this. Personally, I think the guy's still too new to call him the Dark Lord of the Sith.

Response cards

I spend a lot of time in comedy clubs. Maybe too much. Sometimes it feels like living the dream. Hanging out with friends, watching comics who will truly be great someday, writing jokes and trying them out.

Other times it doesn't feel like that. Sometimes it feel;s like a graduation ceremony. Sitting for three hours with a plastered smile watching people who really shouldn't be on stage be on stage. Last night was particularly annoying as I went to two clubs and never got a spot.

It's times like these that you have to make your own entertainment. This happened a couple of weeks ago when Ian Federgreen stole the response cards in the NY Comedy Club. He passed me the first one and I had to oblige with the second.

Comedians are wacky, aren't they?

The Wasklewicz Testimonial Show

Dave Wasklewicz asked if I could do a show while he was in town. This is that show.

Of course, you're also invited.

Jon Clarke
NY Comedy Club
241 E. 24th Street between 2nd and 3rd Avenue
New York, NY
Thursday 6/22/06
9 p.m.

Father's Day

Here's my dad. He's not the greatest self promoter in the world (which is probably why this picture is from Christmas 2003) but he does have his own blog. I mentioned it before but it's Father's Day. Gonna go see him now.

Fear

I'm preoccupied with it.

Being American and Catholic helps. I worry about everything. I worry that the train will pull out as soon as I get to the platform. I worry that someone will smash into me every time I drive a car. I worry that a stray dog will attack my testicles.

I play the security card. The non-offensive card. the road-more-travelled card. I never got arrested. I never got addicted to drugs. And I didn't get laid enough.

But I'm watching Bill Hicks (who I like a lot but many of my friends absolutely worship) and I realize something; Good things happen when fear goes away. I said hi to Berni Wrightson and stayed at his house. I gave up a career in advertising to become a stand-up comic. I made out with the hot girl at the party and she fucking married me.

I'm 34 years old and I was in six bands, published comic books, worked for toy companies, made my own films, took acid, performed stand-up and improv, travelled a good chunk of the world and peed on a mailbox. Was I scared to do these things? Fuck yeah. But I made it go away. Good things happen when fear goes away. I just have to remember this every time I bark in Times Square.

Rejected Jokes

In my comedy writing class, I learned something called "the rule of ten". Meaning for every ten jokes you write, nine will be thrown away.

Ben Schwartz doesn't do that. He's a freelance writer for SNL's Weekend Update and David Letterman and when his jokes don't get used, he does them himself.

Check out his website, Rejected Jokes.

(Thanks to Thomas for pointing this out.)

Things

They're busy. I've managed to keep up with this blog but I haven't been able to give much detail. Sometimes I worry that this place will turn into one big promotional tool, which isn't much fun for any of us.

Comedy, as you can see, has taken over most of my life. And unlike music, it seems to be working. I've had a lot of showcases and auditions and I'm working hard to bring my performance level up to my writing.

I've been writing professionally for ten years. I've been performing stand-up for six months. I have a lot of catching up to do but fortunately I've made a lot of friends in the clubs who are honest in their criticism. We'll spend time after shows discussing comedy over drinks. Sometimes that means I get home at 7 a.m.

Satnd-up has brought a lot of interest to Play Cole . "William Shatner on the Muppet Show" has gotten almost 2,000 hits so far, which for us is a breakout hit. I've been happy with the writing and performing but frankly, our production values have left a lot to be desired. And our only video camera died in Japan. So yesterday I went to B&H and bought a High Definition camera. Hopefully, it will make us look less like amateur hour.

I haven't done any advertising since I got back from Japan but toy work is picking up again. It doesn't pay as much but it makes me a lot happier and I get to work at home. If I can get enough work to keep me from a day job, I'll be very happy.

Renee's family was in the city with us this week. Tomorrow her friend Karen will be staying over. And then my much missed friend Dave Wasklewicz and his wife Heather will be in from Maine. So things ain't slowing down for awhile. But I'll always be here. And I'm grateful you are too.

The Improv tonight!

If you scroll down, you'll see this:


Jon Clarke
Improv Comedy Club
(212) 757-2323
(212) 888-5233
318 W 53rd St
New York, NY 10019
Wednesday 6/14
9 p.m.

If you go, you'll actually see it.

Marvel Comics Float 1987

This was the moment I quit comics. I came back later but you can see why I left.

Stand-Up somewhere else!

I'm auditioning for "the World" tonight but you can also see me Wednesday at the Improv.

Tha's right, NOT the NY Comedy Club.

I'm shocked myself.

Jon Clarke
Improv Comedy Club
(212) 757-2323
(212) 888-5233
318 W 53rd St
New York, NY 10019
Wednesday 6/14
9 p.m.

Robocop Rap

I think there's something wrong with Chris Kanik.

Yes, I Totally Want This

This is what happens when you live in Middle America, have a big house and a job that doesn't tax your mental capacity. But at some point this guy is going to look around and say, "What the fuck was I thinking?"

Check out the Star Trek Home Theater.

New Play Cole short!

Here's a quick one: "Douggie Green: Narcoleptic Comedian"

Stand-up tonight!

Sometimes I joke slow, sometimes I joke quick.

NY Comedy Club
241 E. 24th Street between 2nd and 3rd Avenue
New York, NY
Thursday 6/8/06
9 p.m.

Bernard Loomis

Bernard Loomis has passed away at the age of 82.

Loomis was president of Kenner toys in the late 70's and was the guy who said "Hey, let's make Star Wars toys." That decision changed the entire toy industry. For the next twenty years, every company copied the scale, the price point and the accessories of the Star Wars line.

I'm willing to bet there is not a single reader here who hasn't played with a Star Wars toy. The Millennium Falcon was so well designed it's still being produced thirty years later. I doubt I would have worked in the toy industry if it hadn't been for Loomis. Hell, Todd McFarlane wouldn't have worked in the toy industry if it hadn't been for Loomis.

Here's a great interview with Bernard Loomis chronicling his entire career.

Top Cat

It still bugs me that most of you have yet to worship Bilko. In fact, that tread still has no comments.

So I'll get sneaky. Did you know it was the inspiration for "Top Cat"? Yes, in the same fashion Hanna Barbera ripped off "The Honeymooners" for "The Flintstones" and "The Dick Van Dyke Show" for "The Jetsons" (take a good look at the character models for George and Jane), "Top Cat" owes Phil Silvers its nine lives. So watch this episode then think "I wonder how that would have worked live action". Maybe then you will embrace the Bilko.

Gay Marriage

Jesus banned divorce, too. Because he lived 2000 years ago.

Dana Gould

Dana Gould is a writer for the Simpsons. Before that, he spent fifteen years as a phenomenal stand-up comedian. He still performs from time to time and luckily for us, he catalogues a lot of his sets on his website. There's video and audio of his material which combines dark personal stories with characters and cartoony visuals. It's exactly the comic I want to become and now I know there's constant inspiration online.

Don't Eat Stale Bagels

I'm an idiot.

Every now and then I buy a dozen bagels and leave them in the refrigerator. As the week wears on, they get tougher and tougher to cut. (they also get tougher to eat but the microwave soggies them up nicely). Today was the last bagel so I thought I'd get the sharpest knife. It was like sawing plastic which is why it slipped and smacked me in the left wrist.

I didn't feel a thing but the skin sprung apart like a screaming mouth. By the time the blood poured out, I had it wrapped in a yard of gauze.

It's sutured up now and doesn't look like I'll need stitches but it took most of the day to get it in a safe place. And I'll look like a suicide attempt for a couple of weeks.

Don't become a statistic. Please throw out your bagels.

Next Stand-up Gig!

Another season, another reason to see Jon Clarke, Lara Yaz and Tim Warner.


NY Comedy Club
241 E. 24th Street between 2nd and 3rd Avenue
New York, NY
Thursday 6/8/06
9 p.m.

Bilko has arrived!

I've waited fifteen years to watch Sgt. Bilko again. Paramount released a collection on dvd while I was in Japan and it was a long two weeks before I could get my hands on one.

I don't know why this show hasn't remained in syndication as long as the Honeymooners or I Love Lucy. First of all it's better than both of them.

Don't believe me? The UK named it the greatest sitcom in history. Considering this is a country that came up with Fawlty Towers, Black Adder and the Office, it's high praise.

Phil Silvers was a master of the comic persona. Within the first episode, he let audiences know exactly who he was and what he wanted. When a new recruit gives him money to hold, the audience is already laughing because they know him. Most characters take a season or two to find their rhythm. Silvers had it down in his first scene.

There are 18 random episodes in the set. A lot of fans are upset that this isn't a season one and there's no guarantee we'll get any more. I'm just grateful I have a piece of this classic and if there's more down the road, I'll buy them too.

By the way, when I ordered this on Amazon, there was a huge sale on the Bob Newhart Show. I got seasons one and two in my shipment and I'm sure I'll have just as much to say about those when I finally get to them.