Monday, September 05, 2005

Get Ron Wood off the pipe!

So I'm reading the latest issue of Guitar World which has Keith Richards on the cover (don't bother looking for the article, they don't post). In the second paragraph it notes that guitarist Ron Wood had to drop out of recording early on because of 'a severe crack addiction'.

Let me repeat that.

A severe crack addiction!

Okay, so you've been in the biggest rock band for thirty of the band's forty-five years. You're a multi millionaire. You've toured the world, you've banged thousands of groupies, you've played with Rod Stewart, the Faces, Bob Dylan and well, everybody. You've put out solo albums. You have your sketches hanging in galleries around the world. You're near retirement age. You've probably done every drug there is but there's one thing you haven't done:


Now I'm not saying these guys should have gotten it out of their systems by now. Some guys don't. Some guys die high on cocaine with two strippers in a Vegas hotel at the age of 57. But when did crack become a good idea for anyone? Wasn't crack designed to be the lethal drug for people who can't afford lethal drugs? At least go back to heroin. It's more romantic.

That was all I had to say about the subject but then my research took a strange turn. My research of course consisting of putting 'Ron Wood AND crack' into google. It didn't back up my story but it did tell me about a professor at NYU who forced monkeys to smoke crack. His name, of course, was Ron Wood. None of the monkeys were named Keith Richards. I have no punchline to this story so I'm open to submissions.


Brian Kunath said...

I think that if you're Ron Wood, your brain is so desensitized after years of overstimulation that mere multi-partner sex or heroin no longer raise your pulse above the three beats per minute that keeps most aging rock stars above ground.

So what's a Ron Wood to do? Few substances in this world can give him that old 25-year old, touring with the Stones rush. He can either feast on the adrenal glands of an infant or do crack. Frankly, I stand with a lot of mothers who are happy he's chosen crack.

BTW: That professor was actually feeding crack to The Monkees. The band makes reference to it in their song "Last Train to Cracksville."

Take the last train to Cracksville,
And I'll meet you at the station.
I'm bringing fifty dollars,
'Cause I need that crack sensation.
Don't be slow, oh, no, no, no!
Oh, no, no, no!!!!!

Odd that the singer, who appears to live in Cracksville, is asking someone to bring him crack from out of town. Why would he need to do that?That is the enigmatic genius of Mike, Peter, Mickey and Davey.

Cromely said...



When was that ever cool?

Does even the most pro-drug advocate or tolerance focused person defend crack? I don't think I've heard anyone desribe it at thier muse.

Sure, heroine had its day in the sun. Then of course became all Retro when the 70's had its brief resurgence that gave us that aweful Brady Bunch movie (which by the is still better than ST: Nemesis).

Then sure, cocaine was kind cool in the Bloom County era.

Sure Ex had it's day in the sun, and even Crystal Meth is has some cachet.

But Crack? That's just lame.

If your gonna do that much damage to your body, mind, family, and whatever else but getting hooked and dependent, at least don't be so lame.