Ben Week 32

The second installment of my photo essay, "Ben Eats Guitars". This week, the Fender Strat Renee gave me for Christmas:

Arrested Development movie?

God, I hope so. Both Jason Bateman and Jeffrey Tambor say they're in negotiations about it.

A movie is the perfect way to get more Bluthy goodness. The show may have had a small following but the cast has only gotten bigger since the show ended two years ago. You can't even get Michael Cera to do tv anymore! I don't need a plot synopisis, I don't need a trailer. Just give me a release date and I will be there.

More Indy

I'll take any Indy I can get (three months away and still no trailer?)but here's a great new shot.

The Bribe

The show last night went well. Not a lot of real audience but a kick-ass lineup and a great energy. We took the opportunity to premiere the latest Play Cole sketch. It's been eight months since our last live action digital video so I think we're all overdue.

Drucker and I wrote this and we were smart enough to cast John Knefel. Billy the Kid worked the lights and tried not to laugh through John's takes.

Enjoy!

Dont Forget the Anti-Bowl!

Because the game doesn't care if you're watching or not.

John F. O'Donnell (Live at Gotham)
Ed Murray (NY Laff Off)
Jon Clarke (McSweeney's)
Mike Drucker (Black20.com)
Zach Sims
Adrienne

hosted by Jason Quarles

Sunday, February 3, 8:00 p.m.
Rififi / Cinema Classics
332 E 11th St
(Between 1st and 2nd Ave)
$5, No Drink Minimum

Ben Week 31

Teething is coming. Any minute now.

New figures.com review!

Renee wasn't too crazy about having these in the house but they were free and showed up right when I was reading a lot of X-Men.

Read my review of Marvel Select Emma Frost and Phoenix.

New Raging Face article!

Here's the first piece I wrote after Ben was born. Raging Face was backed up but it's finally up. And I still really like it.

Read "Brainiac Responds To His Emails".

Questions Asked By the Guitar Hero III Champion When He Is Invited to Join Pantera

Do you guys play all five buttons?

Who wants to be Judy Nails?

What’s ”chlamydia”?

Tour bus? Why can’t we play online?

Anyone want to watch “High School Musical”?

Can’t we play some Franz Ferdinand?

You guys know any girls?

Will you stop hitting me?

Ben Week 30

This happens every time I play for him.

Writer's Room :The Anti-Bowl!

Maybe you hate football. Maybe you can't think of a reason to say no to another boring Super Bowl party where people eat chili and judge commercials.

Then we've got a show for you.

Writer's Room appears at Rififi's on the first Sunday of every month. The NFL arbitrarily picked the same night and they will suffer for it. Cause we've got a hell of a lineup, with:

Kristen Schaal (Flight of the Conchords)
John F. O'Donnell (Live at Gotham)
Liam MacEneaney (Best Week Ever)
Ed Murray (NY Laff Off)
Jon Clarke (McSweeney's)
Mike Drucker (Black20.com)
Adrienne

hosted by Zach Sims

Sunday, February 3, 8:00 p.m.
Rififi / Cinema Classics
332 E 11th St
(Between 1st and 2nd Ave)
$5, No Drink Minimum

We just saved your weekend.

Iron Man Trailer

This one I'm really excited about. I've watched this at least once a week since it premiered. I love Iron Man and the casting of Robert Downey Jr. as the brilliant, alcoholic and questionable moral Tony Stark is inspired. It's so perfect he'll reprise the role in The Hulk a month later.




And here's the 2nd trailer. Little more action, little less story. Still looks great.

The Dark Knight Trailer

Speaking of big summer movies, here's the trailer for The Dark Knight. Batman Begins was so good I have every confidence in this film. In fact, I'm so confident I'm not as excited as I am for Iron Man or Indiana Jones. This movie will be great, it will come out in the summer and I will see it.



UPDATE: Heath Ledger was just found dead. So you're going to want to see his final performance.

They're Shooting X Files 2!!!!!

Here's undeniable proof:



I don't care if you don't care. The first X Files movie got me into the series after five years of recommendations. That summer I watched rerun after rerun and fell in love. I stayed with it until the unfortunate final season which came two years too late and still watch the complete series on dvd. I count it as the third greatest sci fi series to ever air (after the Twilight Zone and Star Trek) and I need another story bad. That last season was so awful the franchise needs a great movie just to remind us why we liked it. After six years in limbo, now feels like the right time.

And I just read this:

The X-Files 2 opens July 25th, 2008.

Add this to the teetering pile for Summer 2008. We've already got Iron Man, the Dark Knight, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull and Hellboy 2: The Golden Army. With another X Files movie planned I'm gonna need a babysitter.

So I Decided...

...to quit buying Marvel action figures. I've got everyone I need, my old ones keep breaking and the new Hasbro stuff is substandard. Ben has his own collection by now so I'm stopping. And it feels good. Then I went and bought this:



There's no way out.

Ben Week 28 and 29

Ben's still sick but here he is in happier times.

Maraka

We're all sick and watching Nick Jr. And apart from Yo Gabba Gabba it sucks. Especially Dora. That's why I love this clip from TV Funhouse Monica showed me long ago. You can hear Louis CK pitching in on this.

Things I Won't Do When I Meet an Alien

Rub it in Scully's face.

Misinterpret his cookbook.

Say "Welcome to Earth", then punch him in the face.

Crush him with my power loader.

Go on and on about the Prime Directive.

Fire indiscriminately into the jungle.

Surf with him.

Pee my pants.

Cathedral Prep

Man did we hate high school. We hated high school so much last night we had our 18 year reunion in a bar a borough away from the school.

As much as none of us wanted to revisit our alma mater (which is slowly being devoured by a mall) it was important that we saw each other. The four years you spend in high school are the worst you'll ever experience. The amount of hormones coursing through your body will see to that. Everyone you know is crazy.

That's why it's good to find out they didn't stay that way. Most of them are married. Half of them have kids. One guy married and divorced a girl I stole from him junior year. But they're all fine. And we got along as well as we ever did. In a class odf only 24 graduates, you get to know everyone pretty well. The priests always instilled in us a sense of class unity. Then they got mad when we filed into the bathroom after a fire drill. Or distracted the principal with Planned Parenthood sound bites. Or performed a class pageant that got them cancelled forever. They probably wouldn't be happy to see us over drinks either. So why tell them?

New Play Cole Podcast!

Jon Clarke, Mike Drucker, and Bill Monroe watch the film "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and try to understand how such a terrible movie spawned such an awesome TV series. Then they give up and talk about Robocop.

Listen and subscribe here!

Sick

Whatever's going around it got to me. I'm trying not to give it to the baby but he won't let me put him down.

A question to parents; what should I do?

Ben Week 27

Just before New Year's, we had Ben christened. He didn't even complain when they poured water over his head. But now that he's Catholic, he's sure to feel bad about everything.

More Indiana Jones

Here's the Vanity Fair article.

Writer's Room Sunday!

The first of the year. The third in the strike.

with:

Jesse Popp
Dan St. Germain
Pat Dixon (Comedy Central)
Mike Drucker (PIXAR Ratatouille Contest)
Jon Clarke (McSweeneys)
Ed Murray (2006 Laff Off)

hosted by Jason Quarles

Sunday, January 6, 8:00 p.m.
Rififi / Cinema Classics
332 E 11th St
(Between 1st and 2nd Ave)
$5, No Drink Minimum

Yo Gabba Gabba

When Renee and I were staying at her friend Jill's, the kids left Nick Jr. on all day. Most of it didn't impress me but then "Yo Gabba Gabba" came on. It didn't impress them but it's the first show Ben and I fell in love with at the same time. It's unique and weird and full of enthusiasm. Take a look at the show's signature piece, "There's a Party in My Tummy."



"We wanna go to the party."
"The party in your tummy."

Makes me laugh every time.

Ben Week 26

All Hail Pat Dixon!

I haven't seen Pat in a while but I just got two pieces of good news from him. First, he'll be on Writer's Room this Sunday. Second, he just started doing his rambling movie reviews on video after years of print. Seeing how good the first one is, I'll be watching these every time he posts.

Happy New Year

2007 was by far the toughest year I've ever had to get through.

You?

I'm in McSweeney's!

Finally.

Drucker and I wrote this together and neither one of us thinks we deserve credit.

Read "Twisted Sister: Where Are They Now?

Tiger

The mother of a 17-year-old boy killed by a Siberian tiger at the San Francisco Zoo said the attack has ruined Christmas for her.

That tiger better get her something extra special next year.

Play Cole Holiday Podcast!

At a time when Arnold Schwarzenegger can do no wrong, he does everything wrong. It's "Jingle All the Way" analyzed by Jon Clarke, Mike Drucker, Alex Grubard and Billy the Kid. We made up our own drinking game for this one (hint: take a drink any time someone says "Turboman"). By the second hour, this goes from a commentary to, well, a drinking game. Oh, but it's fun.

Here it is.

And now you can subscribe to Play Cole Podcasts! I don't know how Bill did it but I'm amazed. We're trying to make this a monthly feature so get instant updates whenever we post here. We're even on itunes!

Xmas

Xmas Eve

Here's Spinal Tap playing on "Christmas With the Devil" on SNL in 1984. I first saw this when Comedy Central used to rerun the early 80's episodes, which no one does anymore. Enjoy!

Ben Week 25

Lately

Last night I was at a mike with Billy the Kid and he said, "Man, your blog entries are short lately."

Saw through my clever deception, eh Billy?

Things have been very tough around the house. Ben is at an age where he's blown through his entire schedule. I have no idea when he wants to eat, sleep or play anymore and he's morphed all his requests into the same frustrated grunt. I feel like he's a newborn again, only he's much heavier. My arms are shot from the elbow to the wrist from picking him up so I've taken to sleeping in a wrist brace since the pain kept waking me up.

But that's nothing compared to Renee. She tripped in the hallway Friday night and chipped a bone in her elbow. So in addition to suffering through incredible pain, she can't drive or pick up the baby. So I've had Ben for longer than usual.

Doesn't give me a lot of time to think and my work has been taking the loss. My figure reviews take longer than usual, my freelance sits on the sidelines, I don't have many jokes and downstairs there's a Christmas tree waiting to be decorated. I'd love to get into further detail but Ben just started grunting frustrated like. So I'll keep publishing on my daily schedule. But sometimes it's just going to Eric Clapton playing an acoustic guitar.

Eric Clapton and Pete Townshend

Judging from Eric's quaff and Pete's ponytail, this is from 1989. Pete doesn't do much but hold the chord pattern but Clapton's acoustic prowess predates "Tears in Heaven" and is a wonder to behold.

The 40 Worst Rob Liefeld Drawings

I've been watching VH1's 100 Greatest Songs of the 90's. Big songs made when I was in a band picked on by big comedians that have been on my show. It's an odd experience.

But it's made me think about my 20's. In the 90's comics were huge and terrible. Rob Liefeld was a big reason why. He got very big very young, and it ruined his career. Instead of taking years to develop as an artist, he learned every cheat in the business. When he needed the strong hand of an editor, he started his own company. And when he didn't understand anatomy, he made it up. Fifteen years ago, his name was iconic. Now it's a joke. Want to know why? Take a look at this list of his 40 worst drawings.

Real Garfield

Drucker showed me this.

Someone took Garfield strips and replaced the main character with a realistic cat that does not have thought balloons. Without Garfield's thought balloons (which no one is supposed to hear anyway) Jon is a sociopath. I won't post a single one here because you have to read them all for yourself.

Ben Week 24

Video this week! Ben was a guest on Outside the NFL so here's the first video of the baby. He knows he's a rookie so he decided to share screen time with a heavy hitter like Maddog. I take back what I said about you, Wednesday, Ben. You are a smart baby.

"Batman and Son" review up at figures.com!

Most of you reading this blog will immediately say, "Batman has a son?" I wish I could explain the story to you but it's still going and it's Grant Morrison, which means I barely understand it. But I do understand the idea of more Batman figures. And I support it. My review starts like this:

Batman and Son is based on the new comic series where Batman and Lamont run a junkyard in Los Angeles. Or it’s a four-issue story where Talia mutates the League of Shadows into a Man-Bat army and presents Bruce Wayne with Damien, a son which may have been conceived in the “Son of the Demon” graphic novel. One or the other.

Read the rest!

Jury Duty

I've been out of contact the last couple of days since the Federal Courthouse in downtown Brooklyn doesn't have wireless access. They confiscate cel phones there so asking to update my blog would be pushing it.

Federal court works differently from the state. When I had state jury duty three years ago it was like waiting in a bus station with a thousand people. In Federal it's like being in a hotel lobby with two hundred. They breezed through four cases in an hour and a half so they gave us a two hour lunch break.

Late that day, I got called onto a case that was scheduled to take three days. It was a tax case so it looked pretty dull until they said the magic words.

"The defendant has chosen to represent himself."

Jackpot!

I couldn't wait to hear three days of crazy dribbling out of this lunatic. Three days my ass. Just wait until he mentions medical experiments and snakes in his eyes. The five special agents would stand no chance. The case would drag on for weeks. It would be the greatest show on earth.

Then I mentioned I had to take care of my son and they excused me from jury duty altogether. I got out at four and went to an open mike with my civic duty cleared.

Stupid baby.

Ben Week 23

When we were in Japan, Renee's friend Ayako showed us around. She had Bon Jovi blasting in her car the entire time so I sent her the action figures I reviewed. She responded by making these New Year's Cards for Ben. It's a little early but I love them. They're crazy in that perfect Japanese way.

Power's Out

Apparantly the guys outside my house can't tell a tree root from a power line. We're hiding out at my parents' where everyone pays attention to Ben and I get to update my blog.

Richard Pryor Reads the Alphabet

The new Sesame Street: Old School DVD gives this warning:

These early “Sesame Street” episodes are intended for grown-ups, and may not suit the needs of today’s preschool child.

This may be the reason why. Richard Pryor recites the alphabet while clearly on the number 8 ball. His manager must have woke him up earlier than usual.

"Richard, you're supposed to be on Sesame Street right now!"

"Okay man, let me get my motherfucking jacket."

"Richard, they're expecting you."

"Yeah yeah. What is that, the 7 train?"

"The N."

"N? Man, I'm gonna have to do that letter."

Just shows how much you could get away with in the 70's. Like all the hosts on the Muppet Show who are obviously drunk (Lynda Carter, I'm looking at you). Here's the clip. Richard looks like he might just punch out the cameraman.



I'm still showing these episodes to Ben. And that's the Z of the game.

What's Worse...

A screaming baby or a silent audience?

Luckily, I don't have to choose.

Don't Forget Writer's Room Sunday!

We give work to WGA members.

Like:

Colin Jost (SNL)
Eric Andre (Cavemen)
Tom McCaffrey (Comedy Central)
Mike Drucker (PIXAR Ratatouille Contest)
Jon Clarke (McSweeneys)
Sean Patton
Sean O'Connor
Eric I

hosted by Maggie Farris (Extrememaggie.com)

Sunday, December 2nd, 8:00 p.m.
Rififi / Cinema Classics
332 E 11th St
(Between 1st and 2nd Ave)
$5, No Drink Minimum