Black-Eyed Pee

When you're in a hotel in the morning, you will watch anything that's on tv. While we were in San Francisco, we left MTV on. That's where we got hatefully obsessed with the Black-Eyed Peas song, "My Humps".

I had never heard the Black-Eyed Peas but all the press led me to believe they were like the Fugees. Oh, that was so wrong. I'm immune to almost all profanity but this is the crudest song I have ever heard.

And it's no.1 on itunes.

The video itself is nothing, just the Black-Eyed Peas trying to look really cool in front of a grey background. It's the song itself that's repugnant.

First of all, it's annoying. Annoying in the way the original X Wing toy was annoying. A grating, screeching sound that gets your attention but as soon as you focus on it, it hurts you. Whiny, tinny, repetitive. It's the catchiest melody since, "Warriors. Come out to playyy."

Then there are the lyrics. Random lines were stuck in our heads all weekend.
"What you gonna do with all that breasts in your shirt?" is ungrammatical and repulsive but it doesn't beat the key image the song hinges on; "my lovely lady lumps." If there's anything that's less of a turn-on and still implies unmutilated sexual organs, I've never heard it. These lyrics make me miss the subtlety of "Move Bitch, Get Out the Way".

And thematically? Well, I guess it's trying to be sexy. But you ever walk into a really sleazy strip club and feel just embarrassed? It's sexy like that. And it's confusing. Through the chorus she sounds like she's gonna do the guy who's 'spendin' all his money on me' but the verses seem to be about rape whistles. She's constantly telling guys not to touch her or she'll start 'drama'. I've been to high school. I've dated cockteases. But this is simply schizophrenic.

And it's no. 1 on itunes.

The girl in this video looks like a younger, skankier version of Kirstie Alley. I thought maybe I was judging her too harshly but That skanky image was just reinforced by this picture:


Nothing says sexy like a girl who's pissed herself.

"What you gonna do with all that pee in your pants?"

And it's no. 1 on itunes.