Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Oh, Santa.

Santa, sit down.

I understand you've been getting a lot of offers. And it can be hard to turn that money down. After all, you're in non-profit. And when a big corporation stops by and they give you a ton of cash to appear in a commerical, well I don't know if I could turn them away either.

But Santa, there's such a thing as 'diluting your brand'.

This is okay. Kind of classy, actually. Norman Rockwell feel. With this ad, you could finance all those XBox 360s kids want this year. This is well within the limit.

Now you'd think this is the same ad but there's one big difference; YOU'RE USING THE PRODUCT. It's much classier to just be near the product than demonstrating how much you enjoy it. You want to be Catherine Zeta Jones' T Mobile campaign. She just stands there. You don't want to be Garth Brooks in that new Wal-Mart spot. Wait a minute; you were in that spot. This is why we need to talk.

And now we're over the line. We're talking about spreading yourself too thin and what do you go and do? Put 375 Santas in one ad. No no no. What makes you special if 374 other people can do the same thing? I'm telling you, the next agency sees this ad, they're gonna hire a model to stand in your clothes. Then we're talking years of lawsuits. And time spent in the court is time not making toys. You're playing fast and loose with your image, Santa. And it's going to bite you in the ass.

Merchandising doesn't have to be cheesy. You have yet to learn this. Action figures are fine but why not go high quality with one? I know people at Art Asylum. They could have whipped up a six inch action figure with laser scanned likeness, multiple points of articulation and a paint wash. Who did you talk to? A factory owner in Hong Kong? This makes you look low rent, Santa. People don't respect a property that gives everyone the license. You have to pick and choose. You have to understand what each ad says about you.

DAMMIT, SANTA! This conversation is over. I expect to be handed power of attorney in the morning.


Dave said...

LOL - thats good stuff. I love that poster of Santa sportin' a cig though. That is priceless. Hell, that guy could use a smokey treat after delivering all those damned presents!

The wife said...

....someone has been "working" from home for a few days......

These are funny! I want a Santa having his legs; I would by that razor!