Happy New Year

2007 was by far the toughest year I've ever had to get through.

You?

I'm in McSweeney's!

Finally.

Drucker and I wrote this together and neither one of us thinks we deserve credit.

Read "Twisted Sister: Where Are They Now?

Tiger

The mother of a 17-year-old boy killed by a Siberian tiger at the San Francisco Zoo said the attack has ruined Christmas for her.

That tiger better get her something extra special next year.

Play Cole Holiday Podcast!

At a time when Arnold Schwarzenegger can do no wrong, he does everything wrong. It's "Jingle All the Way" analyzed by Jon Clarke, Mike Drucker, Alex Grubard and Billy the Kid. We made up our own drinking game for this one (hint: take a drink any time someone says "Turboman"). By the second hour, this goes from a commentary to, well, a drinking game. Oh, but it's fun.

Here it is.

And now you can subscribe to Play Cole Podcasts! I don't know how Bill did it but I'm amazed. We're trying to make this a monthly feature so get instant updates whenever we post here. We're even on itunes!

Xmas

Xmas Eve

Here's Spinal Tap playing on "Christmas With the Devil" on SNL in 1984. I first saw this when Comedy Central used to rerun the early 80's episodes, which no one does anymore. Enjoy!

Ben Week 25

Lately

Last night I was at a mike with Billy the Kid and he said, "Man, your blog entries are short lately."

Saw through my clever deception, eh Billy?

Things have been very tough around the house. Ben is at an age where he's blown through his entire schedule. I have no idea when he wants to eat, sleep or play anymore and he's morphed all his requests into the same frustrated grunt. I feel like he's a newborn again, only he's much heavier. My arms are shot from the elbow to the wrist from picking him up so I've taken to sleeping in a wrist brace since the pain kept waking me up.

But that's nothing compared to Renee. She tripped in the hallway Friday night and chipped a bone in her elbow. So in addition to suffering through incredible pain, she can't drive or pick up the baby. So I've had Ben for longer than usual.

Doesn't give me a lot of time to think and my work has been taking the loss. My figure reviews take longer than usual, my freelance sits on the sidelines, I don't have many jokes and downstairs there's a Christmas tree waiting to be decorated. I'd love to get into further detail but Ben just started grunting frustrated like. So I'll keep publishing on my daily schedule. But sometimes it's just going to Eric Clapton playing an acoustic guitar.

Eric Clapton and Pete Townshend

Judging from Eric's quaff and Pete's ponytail, this is from 1989. Pete doesn't do much but hold the chord pattern but Clapton's acoustic prowess predates "Tears in Heaven" and is a wonder to behold.

The 40 Worst Rob Liefeld Drawings

I've been watching VH1's 100 Greatest Songs of the 90's. Big songs made when I was in a band picked on by big comedians that have been on my show. It's an odd experience.

But it's made me think about my 20's. In the 90's comics were huge and terrible. Rob Liefeld was a big reason why. He got very big very young, and it ruined his career. Instead of taking years to develop as an artist, he learned every cheat in the business. When he needed the strong hand of an editor, he started his own company. And when he didn't understand anatomy, he made it up. Fifteen years ago, his name was iconic. Now it's a joke. Want to know why? Take a look at this list of his 40 worst drawings.

Real Garfield

Drucker showed me this.

Someone took Garfield strips and replaced the main character with a realistic cat that does not have thought balloons. Without Garfield's thought balloons (which no one is supposed to hear anyway) Jon is a sociopath. I won't post a single one here because you have to read them all for yourself.

Ben Week 24

Video this week! Ben was a guest on Outside the NFL so here's the first video of the baby. He knows he's a rookie so he decided to share screen time with a heavy hitter like Maddog. I take back what I said about you, Wednesday, Ben. You are a smart baby.

"Batman and Son" review up at figures.com!

Most of you reading this blog will immediately say, "Batman has a son?" I wish I could explain the story to you but it's still going and it's Grant Morrison, which means I barely understand it. But I do understand the idea of more Batman figures. And I support it. My review starts like this:

Batman and Son is based on the new comic series where Batman and Lamont run a junkyard in Los Angeles. Or it’s a four-issue story where Talia mutates the League of Shadows into a Man-Bat army and presents Bruce Wayne with Damien, a son which may have been conceived in the “Son of the Demon” graphic novel. One or the other.

Read the rest!

Jury Duty

I've been out of contact the last couple of days since the Federal Courthouse in downtown Brooklyn doesn't have wireless access. They confiscate cel phones there so asking to update my blog would be pushing it.

Federal court works differently from the state. When I had state jury duty three years ago it was like waiting in a bus station with a thousand people. In Federal it's like being in a hotel lobby with two hundred. They breezed through four cases in an hour and a half so they gave us a two hour lunch break.

Late that day, I got called onto a case that was scheduled to take three days. It was a tax case so it looked pretty dull until they said the magic words.

"The defendant has chosen to represent himself."

Jackpot!

I couldn't wait to hear three days of crazy dribbling out of this lunatic. Three days my ass. Just wait until he mentions medical experiments and snakes in his eyes. The five special agents would stand no chance. The case would drag on for weeks. It would be the greatest show on earth.

Then I mentioned I had to take care of my son and they excused me from jury duty altogether. I got out at four and went to an open mike with my civic duty cleared.

Stupid baby.

Ben Week 23

When we were in Japan, Renee's friend Ayako showed us around. She had Bon Jovi blasting in her car the entire time so I sent her the action figures I reviewed. She responded by making these New Year's Cards for Ben. It's a little early but I love them. They're crazy in that perfect Japanese way.

Power's Out

Apparantly the guys outside my house can't tell a tree root from a power line. We're hiding out at my parents' where everyone pays attention to Ben and I get to update my blog.

Richard Pryor Reads the Alphabet

The new Sesame Street: Old School DVD gives this warning:

These early “Sesame Street” episodes are intended for grown-ups, and may not suit the needs of today’s preschool child.

This may be the reason why. Richard Pryor recites the alphabet while clearly on the number 8 ball. His manager must have woke him up earlier than usual.

"Richard, you're supposed to be on Sesame Street right now!"

"Okay man, let me get my motherfucking jacket."

"Richard, they're expecting you."

"Yeah yeah. What is that, the 7 train?"

"The N."

"N? Man, I'm gonna have to do that letter."

Just shows how much you could get away with in the 70's. Like all the hosts on the Muppet Show who are obviously drunk (Lynda Carter, I'm looking at you). Here's the clip. Richard looks like he might just punch out the cameraman.



I'm still showing these episodes to Ben. And that's the Z of the game.

What's Worse...

A screaming baby or a silent audience?

Luckily, I don't have to choose.

Don't Forget Writer's Room Sunday!

We give work to WGA members.

Like:

Colin Jost (SNL)
Eric Andre (Cavemen)
Tom McCaffrey (Comedy Central)
Mike Drucker (PIXAR Ratatouille Contest)
Jon Clarke (McSweeneys)
Sean Patton
Sean O'Connor
Eric I

hosted by Maggie Farris (Extrememaggie.com)

Sunday, December 2nd, 8:00 p.m.
Rififi / Cinema Classics
332 E 11th St
(Between 1st and 2nd Ave)
$5, No Drink Minimum

Ben Week 22

Ben is five months old now and he knows what you're up to.

Japanese X-Men

I could have sworn I posted this before.

I've been flipping through my old X-Men comics and they're exactly how I remembered them; convoluted and overwrought. They are by far the hardest series to get into. Don't believe me? Pick up a random issue and try to tell me what it 's about. I believe the only reason the franchise is successful is because they force you to read ten books a month to figure out what the hell is going on.

But the few times the series has been accessible, it's been exceptional. Claremont and Byrne's run are some of the best comics of the 80's. Joss Whedon is doing a hell of a job on Astonishing X-Men. The movies (the first two anyway) were great. And people seemed to have really loved the FOX 90's cartoon. I personally found it cheesy (compared to Batman: the Animated Series) but I was excited when I found out Japan had made their own anime opening. The show was exactly the same but this title sequence shows what might have been.

Writer's Room Sunday!

The only show where writers are allowed to do anything.

with:

Colin Jost (SNL)
Eric Andre (Cavemen)
Tom McCaffrey (Comedy Central)
Mike Drucker (PIXAR Ratatouille Contest)
Jon Clarke (McSweeneys)
Sean Patton
Sean O'Connor
Eric I

hosted by Maggie Farris (Extrememaggie.com)

Sunday, December 2nd, 8:00 p.m.
Rififi / Cinema Classics
332 E 11th St
(Between 1st and 2nd Ave)
$5, No Drink Minimum

Hammerman

I'm tired today and still puzzled by this. MC Hammer had his own Saturday morning cartoon in 1991 that was cancelled after only one season. It so was beyond terrible I watched it every week. My girlfriend would yell at me when I put it on in her dorm but I didn't care. The theme song alone was too long, cryptic and didn't fit its own beat. Here it is.

On the Road

Charlie Kasov and I are in Ohio heading back from Chicago. Huge, busy week. Had 5 spots out here. Killed, weird set, bombed, weird set, killed. At least I bookended them.

Ben's on solid food. We took him to Wisconson to Renee's friend Jill's place where she had a baby the same age. Ben just wanted to grab him. Yesterday we went to a Star Wars exhibit and he met Yoda before ever seeing the movies. Ben just wanted to grab him. I think that saga's going to go down easy on this boy.

Gotta go. 11 hours of driving left today.

Ben Week 21

It's Thanksgiving!

So chances are you're not reading this blog today.

Writers Strike

The WGA strike grinds on and those affected have started to find new outlets of expression. Peter Grosz from the Colbert Report (and Writer's Room) finds his by attacking the issues of the strike head on.

I Passed at Zanie's!

Finally, I'm passed at a major club. I killed last night with a new tight 6 minutes and had a great time. So I'll give my avails whenever I'm in Chicago. I may not always get spots but now I can always ask.

New figures.com review!

No matter what figures.com asks me to review, I can't say no. This week the editor said, "Do you want George W. Bush and Saddam Hussein action figures?" and Lord help me, I said "sure". For a moment, I actually hoped they were puppets.

Read into the quagmire!

Ben Week 20

Not a lot of pictures this week. Strange. Ben had three great days this week and two that made me wish I was anywhere else. On one of the good days I built him a Johnny Jump-Up and it's sole purpose is making me smile. It works.

In completely non-related news, I just downloaded Radiohad's new album from their site. I knew about this for a couple of weeks but I hadn't realized that it's their best album this decade. And they let you pay WHATEVER YOU WANT. If you're any kind of Radiohead fan and you still try to download this illegally, you're just a cheap bastard.

Mystery Science Theater 3000

When I was college, I had a weekend ritual. Fridays I'd spend with the girlfriend but Saturdays I'd always get together with Howie Weingarten just so we could watch "Mystery Science Theater 3000". We were so devoted that we'd watch it two or three times that night, every time it was rebroadcast. It was a revelation at the time; the first comedy show I ever saw that sounded like me. Making fun of bad movies is nothing new (we're doing it now with "Play Cole Podcasts") but turning that idea into a sci-fi puppet show was a stroke of genius. It was nerd humor to be sure but looking back at Joel Hodgson's laconic style and ironic tone, it was also the first hipster comedy.

I've been slowly getting back into the show since discovering whole episodes online. Google Video has about 100 full streaming episodes but they don't have "Sidehackers", my first and favorite episode. Joel was still hosting, TV's Frank was the new mad scientist and everyone seemed genuinely excited to be doing this goofy, low budget show.

Luckily, "Sidehackers" is on youtube in 10 parts. I love it so much I'm posting all ten:

Part 1:


Part 2:


Part 3:


Part 4:


Part 5:


Part 6:


Part 7:


Part 8:


Part 9:


Part 10:

New figures.com article!

I love Muppets. And Palisades did a phenomenal job with a line of toys that will someday belong to Ben. So when figures.com asked me to cover this line, I jumped at the opportunity.

Well, maybe not jumped. You see, I started this article back before Ben was born. For obvious reasons, it got sidetracked. But, as I'm slowly getting used to my day with him, I've learned to squeeze in a little writing now and then. It took four months but I finally finished the article and now it's up. All the pictures come from "William Shatner on the Muppet Show" so that part was at least easy.

Take a look!

Writer's Room TONIGHT!

We promise.

With:

Leo Allen (Comedy Central Presents, former writer for SNL)

Dan Curry (Comedy Central’s Open Mic Fight)

Mike Drucker (The Watchlist, McSweeney’s)

Charlie Kasov (Drunken Focus Group)

Jon Clarke (Star Trek: The Sitcom)

With sketches by
Zehl Steen Think Pound Sketch Group

Hosted by Ed Murray (The Four Day Work Week, McSweeney’s)


Tuesday, November 4th, 10:00 p.m.
Rififi / Cinema Classics
332 E 11th St
(Between 1st and 2nd Ave)
$5, No Drink Minimum

An Open Letter From Cobra Commander

I wrote this piece for McSweeney's and they almost loved it. So I sent it to CollegeHumor.com and they don't know it's there.

Read why "None of You Are Scary"!

Outside the NFL

There's two things all NY comics have in common; a hatred for themselves and a love for Maddog. He and RG have started a Youtube weekly show "Outside the NFL" where Maddog rants tangentially about football. Here's the latest episode in which I appear, sorta.



Here's the whole series.

Ben Week 19

New Play Cole Podcast!

Tim came up with this one. He told us "The Last Boy Scout" made no atempt at making sense. Seeing as I couldn't remember anything that happened in it, I'm inclined to agree. Once again, there's no director's commentary but there are 106 uses of the word 'fuck' and 31 instances of someone getting punched in the face.

Listen!

Girl Has Extra Limbs Removed

A girl in Indian was born with four arms and four limbs and successfully had half of them removed. Have comic books taught us nothing?

Eric Clapton Shreds

I can't stop laughing at this. Some guy on youtube rerecorded this live Clapton solo with his own truly terrible playing. The amazing thing is how well it syncs.



He's got a few more here. They're all basically the same joke yet it's funny every time.

Special Show Tonight!

It was probabaly a blessing that Writer's Room got rescheduled since we had to write all new material for this special event:

Come on down to the TimeOut New York Lounge Monday night at 8 for...

Who Cares?: A Tribute to the 2007 Election
Comedy for the Even-Year Voter

Come listen to comics tell jokes and stories about obscure local politicians, and stay for special guests such as an actual mayor and city comptroller whom you've never heard about.

Featuring:

Carolyn Castiglia
John Clarke
RG Daniels
Mike Drucker
Alex Grubard
John Knefl
Ruhbin Mehta
Ed Murray
Jon Savoy
Tim Warner

and hosted by
Charlie "hippo sodomy" Kasov.

"Who Cares?: A Tribute to the 2007 Election"
Comedy for the Even-Year Voter (In italics?)
Monday, Nov. 5th 8 PM

TimeOut New York Lounge at New World Stages
340 W 50th St between Eighth and Ninth Aves Midtown West
C/E to 50th st
Free show, no reservations necessary
Phone:646-871-1730

We had a rehearsal last night and judging from the work everyone's put in, this will be a great show and a night to remember. See you there.

Writer's Room RESCHEDULED!

Rififi's is closed for the weekend. So the show is rescheduled for Tuesday the 13th. The lineup should be the same and you should be there then.

Everybody is sorry.

Don't Forget Writer's Room!

Leo Allen (Comedy Central Presents, former writer for SNL)

Dan Curry (Comedy Central’s Open Mic Fight)

Rachel Feinstein (Premium Blend)

Mike Drucker (The Watchlist, McSweeney’s)

Charlie Kasov (Drunken Focus Group)

Dartanion

Jon Clarke (Star Trek: The Sitcom)

With sketches by
Zehl Steen Think Pound Sketch Group

Hosted by Ed Murray (The Four Day Work Week, McSweeney’s)


Sunday, November 4th, 8:00 p.m.
Rififi / Cinema Classics
332 E 11th St
(Between 1st and 2nd Ave)
$5, No Drink Minimum

Ben Week 18

It's Ben's first Halloween so of course he had multiple costumes. He's like an Eddie Murphy movie.

Halloween

They should just call it Bela Lugosi Day. I'd be even happier.

Here he is from "Bride of the Monster" along with Martin Landau's dead on performance in "Ed Wood". I couldn't decide which moment was better so here are two.

Go be Halloweeny.

Building

Making one of these things today. Don't know exactly what they do but they take a couple of hours and you need a screwdriver. Can't talk much today but I'll be at the Limerick House at 9 tonight. I'll be saying a lot for about ten minutes and then getting off the stage.

The Mayhem and Madness Comedy Tour
Limerick House
23rd St & 6th Ave.
9:00

Writers Room This Sunday!

And it's a good one. It's got:

Leo Allen (Comedy Central Presents, former writer for SNL)

Dan Curry (Comedy Central’s Open Mic Fight)

Rachel Feinstein (Premium Blend)

Mike Drucker (The Watchlist, McSweeney’s)

Charlie Kasov (Drunken Focus Group)

Dartanion

Jon Clarke (Star Trek: The Sitcom)

With sketches by
Zehl Steen Think Pound Sketch Group

Hosted by Ed Murray (The Four Day Work Week, McSweeney’s)


Sunday, November 4th, 8:00 p.m.
Rififi / Cinema Classics
332 E 11th St
(Between 1st and 2nd Ave)
$5, No Drink Minimum

Ben Week 17

LOE V

Taping it again but I've been meaning to go to Pianos for awhile.

David Chase Explains the Sopranos Finale

Four months later, he says there's nothing to explain.

Ghetto Man

I found this accidentally Saturday morning on youtube and it's changed my life. I posted it on Drucker's myspace page and he gave up. A couple of hours later, I talked about it at an open mike and not only did it kill, people asked me for the url.

So here it is. The most offensive, racist thing DC Comics has been involved in since naming Green Lantern's sidekick "Pieface". First I was angry at the racism. Then I was angry at the incompetence. Now I'm angry how well Ghetto Man does. I haven't killed like this in 10 months. That is, until I started talking about Ghetto Man.

Ben Week 16