Happy New Year

2007 was by far the toughest year I've ever had to get through.

You?

I'm in McSweeney's!

Finally.

Drucker and I wrote this together and neither one of us thinks we deserve credit.

Read "Twisted Sister: Where Are They Now?

Tiger

The mother of a 17-year-old boy killed by a Siberian tiger at the San Francisco Zoo said the attack has ruined Christmas for her.

That tiger better get her something extra special next year.

Play Cole Holiday Podcast!

At a time when Arnold Schwarzenegger can do no wrong, he does everything wrong. It's "Jingle All the Way" analyzed by Jon Clarke, Mike Drucker, Alex Grubard and Billy the Kid. We made up our own drinking game for this one (hint: take a drink any time someone says "Turboman"). By the second hour, this goes from a commentary to, well, a drinking game. Oh, but it's fun.

Here it is.

And now you can subscribe to Play Cole Podcasts! I don't know how Bill did it but I'm amazed. We're trying to make this a monthly feature so get instant updates whenever we post here. We're even on itunes!

Xmas

Xmas Eve

Here's Spinal Tap playing on "Christmas With the Devil" on SNL in 1984. I first saw this when Comedy Central used to rerun the early 80's episodes, which no one does anymore. Enjoy!

Ben Week 25

Lately

Last night I was at a mike with Billy the Kid and he said, "Man, your blog entries are short lately."

Saw through my clever deception, eh Billy?

Things have been very tough around the house. Ben is at an age where he's blown through his entire schedule. I have no idea when he wants to eat, sleep or play anymore and he's morphed all his requests into the same frustrated grunt. I feel like he's a newborn again, only he's much heavier. My arms are shot from the elbow to the wrist from picking him up so I've taken to sleeping in a wrist brace since the pain kept waking me up.

But that's nothing compared to Renee. She tripped in the hallway Friday night and chipped a bone in her elbow. So in addition to suffering through incredible pain, she can't drive or pick up the baby. So I've had Ben for longer than usual.

Doesn't give me a lot of time to think and my work has been taking the loss. My figure reviews take longer than usual, my freelance sits on the sidelines, I don't have many jokes and downstairs there's a Christmas tree waiting to be decorated. I'd love to get into further detail but Ben just started grunting frustrated like. So I'll keep publishing on my daily schedule. But sometimes it's just going to Eric Clapton playing an acoustic guitar.

Eric Clapton and Pete Townshend

Judging from Eric's quaff and Pete's ponytail, this is from 1989. Pete doesn't do much but hold the chord pattern but Clapton's acoustic prowess predates "Tears in Heaven" and is a wonder to behold.

The 40 Worst Rob Liefeld Drawings

I've been watching VH1's 100 Greatest Songs of the 90's. Big songs made when I was in a band picked on by big comedians that have been on my show. It's an odd experience.

But it's made me think about my 20's. In the 90's comics were huge and terrible. Rob Liefeld was a big reason why. He got very big very young, and it ruined his career. Instead of taking years to develop as an artist, he learned every cheat in the business. When he needed the strong hand of an editor, he started his own company. And when he didn't understand anatomy, he made it up. Fifteen years ago, his name was iconic. Now it's a joke. Want to know why? Take a look at this list of his 40 worst drawings.

Real Garfield

Drucker showed me this.

Someone took Garfield strips and replaced the main character with a realistic cat that does not have thought balloons. Without Garfield's thought balloons (which no one is supposed to hear anyway) Jon is a sociopath. I won't post a single one here because you have to read them all for yourself.

Ben Week 24

Video this week! Ben was a guest on Outside the NFL so here's the first video of the baby. He knows he's a rookie so he decided to share screen time with a heavy hitter like Maddog. I take back what I said about you, Wednesday, Ben. You are a smart baby.

"Batman and Son" review up at figures.com!

Most of you reading this blog will immediately say, "Batman has a son?" I wish I could explain the story to you but it's still going and it's Grant Morrison, which means I barely understand it. But I do understand the idea of more Batman figures. And I support it. My review starts like this:

Batman and Son is based on the new comic series where Batman and Lamont run a junkyard in Los Angeles. Or it’s a four-issue story where Talia mutates the League of Shadows into a Man-Bat army and presents Bruce Wayne with Damien, a son which may have been conceived in the “Son of the Demon” graphic novel. One or the other.

Read the rest!

Jury Duty

I've been out of contact the last couple of days since the Federal Courthouse in downtown Brooklyn doesn't have wireless access. They confiscate cel phones there so asking to update my blog would be pushing it.

Federal court works differently from the state. When I had state jury duty three years ago it was like waiting in a bus station with a thousand people. In Federal it's like being in a hotel lobby with two hundred. They breezed through four cases in an hour and a half so they gave us a two hour lunch break.

Late that day, I got called onto a case that was scheduled to take three days. It was a tax case so it looked pretty dull until they said the magic words.

"The defendant has chosen to represent himself."

Jackpot!

I couldn't wait to hear three days of crazy dribbling out of this lunatic. Three days my ass. Just wait until he mentions medical experiments and snakes in his eyes. The five special agents would stand no chance. The case would drag on for weeks. It would be the greatest show on earth.

Then I mentioned I had to take care of my son and they excused me from jury duty altogether. I got out at four and went to an open mike with my civic duty cleared.

Stupid baby.

Ben Week 23

When we were in Japan, Renee's friend Ayako showed us around. She had Bon Jovi blasting in her car the entire time so I sent her the action figures I reviewed. She responded by making these New Year's Cards for Ben. It's a little early but I love them. They're crazy in that perfect Japanese way.

Power's Out

Apparantly the guys outside my house can't tell a tree root from a power line. We're hiding out at my parents' where everyone pays attention to Ben and I get to update my blog.

Richard Pryor Reads the Alphabet

The new Sesame Street: Old School DVD gives this warning:

These early “Sesame Street” episodes are intended for grown-ups, and may not suit the needs of today’s preschool child.

This may be the reason why. Richard Pryor recites the alphabet while clearly on the number 8 ball. His manager must have woke him up earlier than usual.

"Richard, you're supposed to be on Sesame Street right now!"

"Okay man, let me get my motherfucking jacket."

"Richard, they're expecting you."

"Yeah yeah. What is that, the 7 train?"

"The N."

"N? Man, I'm gonna have to do that letter."

Just shows how much you could get away with in the 70's. Like all the hosts on the Muppet Show who are obviously drunk (Lynda Carter, I'm looking at you). Here's the clip. Richard looks like he might just punch out the cameraman.



I'm still showing these episodes to Ben. And that's the Z of the game.

What's Worse...

A screaming baby or a silent audience?

Luckily, I don't have to choose.

Don't Forget Writer's Room Sunday!

We give work to WGA members.

Like:

Colin Jost (SNL)
Eric Andre (Cavemen)
Tom McCaffrey (Comedy Central)
Mike Drucker (PIXAR Ratatouille Contest)
Jon Clarke (McSweeneys)
Sean Patton
Sean O'Connor
Eric I

hosted by Maggie Farris (Extrememaggie.com)

Sunday, December 2nd, 8:00 p.m.
Rififi / Cinema Classics
332 E 11th St
(Between 1st and 2nd Ave)
$5, No Drink Minimum