"This Blog is Clean."

Two weeks ago gmail globally crashed. It must have been worse than anyone thought because the next day Google slapped my blog with a "This site may harm your computer" warning. I may have let the occasional robot comment go through but I didn't think I could destroy all of Google.

Well, after three weeks of decimated traffic, they cleared me of all charges. Traffic is back to normal and no one need fear visiting my daily ramblings.

But I learned something about Google. They own the internet. My daily traffic is about 150. When Google put that warning on their search it dropped to 10. Yahoo didn't give me a warning. Ask didn't give me a warning. Webcrawler no longer exists. If you want people to see you online, you have to deal with Google. And never piss them off.

U2

In 2005, I saw the best show I have ever seen. One of Renee's clients got a box at madison Square Garden and we got to watch U2 right over the Edge's gear. We had free beer and our own bathroom. But the and lived up to the box. I had waited to see them for 20 years and they were everything I hoped. And these were the hopes of a 17 year old.

So when they came around again, I was going. Stomach virus or not. Meadowlands traffic or not. Lackluster new album or not.

We totally missed MUSE thanks to the mess constructing a new Giants Stadium has created (EVERY major stadium in the NY area had to go?) which was disappointing. Matt LOVES this band and I don't know how he'll forgive me.

I guess you can't see U2 twice for the first time. They were, huge, bombastic, funny, political but it didn't move me the way it did the first time. Edge changed his guitar every song again and his Rickenbacker 330/12 is identical to mine. Bono picked up a little kid and ran around that jogging track they always bring with them. Larry spun his drum kit around twice. It was a great show, diminished only by the fact that it wasn't as good as the GREATEST SHOW OF MY LIFE.

Then we saw them two days later.

Drucker got us dress rehearsal passes to the season premiere of SNL. As I mentioned earlier, I was interested to see what the comics coming from the alt scene would do but I mostly wanted to see U2 close up. They did not disappoint. They can be big even on a small stage. The Edge had to keep his effects on the other side of that Grand Central gate. Bono did his best to get the crowd on their feet and security did their best making us sit back down.

As huge as they are, there's still a humility to them. Adam came out early and watched Keenan perform. They bowed to the SNL band who left the stage to watch them. Bono talked to the audience during commercials.

It's been 20 years, 12 albums and three concerts for me and U2. And they're still my favorite band.

BTW, Heidi Kinkel took that picture the night before. Awesome, isn't it?

SNL

I don't know Jenny Slate personally, but she's been a fixture on the scene long enough I feel like she's part of my community.

Drucker got us tickets to the SNL premiere dress mostly because U2 were playing it. But I was curious to see how Jenny would do (as well as how Hannibal Buress, who I do know, would do on the writing staff). I was impressed she got to feature two characters on her first time out. And she did NOT curse in dress.

But imagine how she must feel. Working her way up through the alt scene (which is massively discouraging) getting on SNL, "making it" and then your first time out, you slip out an "f bomb'. Sunday must have been a long day. I'm feeling for you, Jenny.

Spectacle

It wasn't.

Last night I went to the Apollo to see a taping of Elvis Costello's "Spectacle". The show airs for forty minutes a week. The taping was four hours.

One show. FOUR HOURS.

You might be thinking, "Great. You got to see stuff no one will see." Yes I did. The stuff no one should see. Every interview was forty minutes. I hadn't slept the night before, didn't eat dinner, had one beer and the air conditioner was shut off for sound. I love Elvis Costello but hearing for the fourth time how they don't play country music in England was the perfect storm for narcolepsy.

Four hours. I like to keep everything I make even though I know most of it will die. I could never edit this show. And I could never sit through it again.

Elvis could take a few cues from his own picture.

125,000 Visitors!

Just thought it should be mentioned. Once the google drama dies down, I'm hoping for many more.

Thanks for visiting, everybody!

Facebook is Down

Human communication is on hold. Please stare at the walls until it resumes.

Marvel Zombies

I spent three hours scouring the blog for bad links and I think I got it. However, Google's going to take about a month before they reevaluate the site. So it looks like it's just you and me for awhile, cowboy.

Let's do something just for us. Here's a zombie version of the classic Captain America title sequence I posted a few years ago. It's awesome. Those of you reading me on Facebook will just have to take my word for it.

I've Narrowed It Down

Here's what i think is wrong with the blog. On September 1st I got a robot comment that said something like, "Hi. Nice Site. Go to . Google saw that url and freaked out on me, effectively shutting my traffic down. All I have to do is remove the comment and we're back in business.

But I don't know where it is. I've checked all my threads for the last few months. Nothing there. There are four years and almost 1200 posts on this blog. And the bad link could be on any one of them.

So I need your help. If you guys (those of you that can get here) could look through some old posts, I'd appreciate it. Maybe you could find the threads you posted. Maybe you like pictures of Ben. Maybe you want to see what I was like before stand-up. The point is if you notice a suspicious comment anywhere in the archives, let me know and I will delete it. I'll be going through everything myself but another set of eyes could make a big difference.

Oh, and I now moderate the comment threads. I will always post yours but I think we all know why I have to watch this stuff now.

Live at Crash Mansion

Geoff just uploaded the first song from last week's set. You can barely see me and you can't hear me at all. Still it's proof that I was there.

"I think a lot of people might stay away, Mayor. They're scared."

I don't have a virus. I never did. You won't get a scary message when you log in. But thanks to Google's mistake, in the last week, I've seen 1/10th of my normal traffic.

So please come back. And if you're checking the RSS feed on Facebook (which is where most of the comments are coming these days), just follow the link and give me an extra hit. I'll love you for it.

To spice it up, I'll add a comment contest. Whoever can guess where the title quote comes from gets the next post. I'll post whatever you want to say, completely unedited. Too lazy to start your own blog? You can have mine for the day.

Klosterman Wins!

Read his Beatle remastered review.

Reading on the Subway

I'm working next to Mark Feigenson so we've been sharing ebay stories. I mentioned that I've been picking up a lot of Spider-Man trade paperbacks and he wondered why since most of my comic collection is digital. Simple. "I need something to read on the train."

Having a commute again means I'm reading a lot more. And according to the NY Times, most people on the train are as well. It's a great read but the most valuable piece of it is the call out to the Subway Book Club blog which keeps telling users who's reading what. Now, how do I tell them I'm deep into "The Origin of the Hobgoblin"?

Text to Speech

Here's a fantastic text to speech programthat adds an animates avatar. Which means it's a girl that will talk to you. That might mean something for many of my readers.

She looks like every girl that ever shot me down. And part of me only wants to give her rejection lines.

Show Tonight!

Friday, September 4, 2009 at 9:00pm
Crash Mansion
199 Bowery between Spring and Rivington

Am I Evil?

Some people have been getting a malicious software warning from this blog in the last 12 hours. I haven't added any software. The most is a YouTube embedded link here and there. Keep in mind Gmail had a major crash two days ago and blogger is a part of google. I'll try to get to the bottom of this but let me know if you're having problems.

Rick Astley and Nirvana

Watch this. Don't ask. Just watch this.



I told you.

Disney Buys Marvel

If they leave it alone the way WB leaves DC alone, we'll be fine. Lots of higher budget cartoons and dvds. But they're not WB. they're Disney and Disney has a very strong sense of their brand. Which does not include blood. If you think the Marvel characters are watered down and whored out now, wait six months.

There's a positive note here. Ten years ago, Marvel was bankrupt. They were being passed from investor to investor. The fact that they're worth 4 billion now says a lot. About Hollywood.

Summer Glau Joins Dollhouse

I'm intrigued. Dollhouse's first season was bad, then boring, then interesting, then less boring, then mind blowingly awesome. And since Summer Glau was the only good thing about "The Sarah Conner Chronicle"s (I like Lena Headey until I realized she had no second facial expression) and she was so incredible in Joss Whedon's "Firefly" I'm down for a second season. When I get my paycheck I may need season one on Blu-Ray.

15 Movies in 15 Minutes

I do this for Ed Murray. I like him.

Rules: Don't take too long to think about it. Fifteen movies you've seen that will always stick with you. First fifteen you can recall in no more than fifteen minutes. Tag fifteen friends, including me because I'm interested in seeing what movies my friends choose.

1. Raiders of the Lost Ark
2. Bill Cosby: Himself
3. The Kids Are Alright
4. Star Wars
5. The Producers
6. The Iron Giant
7. Roxanne
8. Army of Darkness
9. Barton Fink
10. The Third Man
11. John Lennon: Imagine
12. Casablanca
13. Duck Soup
14. Goodfellas
15. Ed Wood

I Got an iPhone!

Now I'm just like you. The cool you at least.

The iPhone launched the day Ben was born. I know this because while we were in the delivery room Apple had a commercial every ten minutes. In 24 hours of labor, that's 144 commercials. Sticks with you.

I waited two years to get one. I loved the idea that I wouldn't have to carry an phone and an iPod in my pocket from the moment I heard about it. But 8GBs was not enough. So I let them take their time.

But the iPhone went in a different direction. People weren't interested in storing lots of music and video. They wanted fast networks and apps. And that's what later incarnations of the iPhone delivered. And still I waited.

Finally this spring they unveiled the 3.0 software. But no new hardware. Three months later, a 32GB iPhone. That's big enough for me. But Renee wasn't convinced. We had to wait for our TMobile contract to end. We had to wait for me to start a new job. We had to wait until time stopped.

Then Renee realized everything she could do with the internet in her palm. We went from her begrudgingly moving to AT&T to enthusiastically buying two iPhones on a family plan. Yay, progress.

I'm totally digging it. Finding apps for ebay, gmail and NetFlix means 90% of my personal websites I don't need to check on my desktop at work. If Ben doesn't try to grab the shiny object in my hand I can check my mail without leaving him in another room. And once I add twitter I can begin to understand why people use it 175 times a day.

One problem. 32GBs still isn't enough. I need a200GB iPhone.