One Less Reason to Do Comedy

If you go to The Onion now, you'll see a joke I already co-wrote for McSweeneys last year.

Thanks, Drucker.

Bailout Fails

When Bush got reelected, I gave us three years before we collpased like the Soviet Union.

Looks like I was one year early.

I was wary of the buyout plan form the start. This administration has always been good to big business. After American Airlines had some financial trouble (because their planes were used in the greatest mass murder in this country's history) they were given 3 billion dollars from our government. American responded by raising fares, cutting food and overbooking flights. Good going, America.

Now thanks to deregulation, we had a housing bubble which kept me renting the last five years. I can't get a 500K house now for less than 8. And thanks to all those families defaulting on those loans, the housing market collapsed. Which means there are less houses for sale. Oh, and they took half the banks with them.

The banks that couldn't be bought by other banks turned to the government. And they responded with 700 billion dollars we don't have and a bill so full of holes Republicans wouldn't vote for it. It died while I was getting a haircut and the dow dropped a record 777 points. CNN has been saying "Great Depression" ever since. Which means higher unemployment at a time when I was getting back into the workforce.

But oil prices fell. Didn't take much, did it?

Debate Blogging

9:16. Obama is going straight for his points. McCain is telling stories. Lehrer's trying to get a dialogue going. So far Lehrer's doing the best job.

9:25 They're starting to cut each other off. Good. McCain looks like a cross between Eisenhower and Tim Conway. Not all of him inspires confidence.

9:55 So McCain wants to cut domestic programs but nothing overseas. Once again the people of other countries are more important than us.

10:15 Pre-condition. Hot topic!

10:40. It's over. And George Stephanopolous agrees with me.

Dave is Mad at McCain

CNN was divided on whether John McCain suspending his campaign was a good or bad thing. According to Letterman,it's a very bad thing. And I don't think it will help.

Writer's Room Was Last Night

I'm as surprised as you are.

Thanks to everyone who came out despite my best intentions and made it a great show.

New Old Play Cole Video!

Let's polish up this chestnut. Figures.com told me they couldn't run "William Shatner on the Muppet Show" unless I cleaned up Andrew's potty mouth. I also cut the jokes that only I find funny.

Enjoy!

Writer's Room is Back!

This Thursday, homos.

Iron Man review at figures.com!

I've been working on a new animation that has me stumped. It's got ten speaking parts and a cast of fifty extras. The real trouble is, they're all Minimates. I thought Robert Yee would like that.

But I did this review for figures.com which just proves how hard the little buggers are to shoot.

Maybe I should do it with 12" figures.

Read the review!

There's a New Mitch Hedberg Album Out There!

And you should find it. And buy it.

In my head I said that like Mitch.

I Got Up Again

I haven't been on stage in two months.

After the Philly's Funniest competition, where I performed perfectly for an audience that wasn't with me, I wondered if I should keep going. My life doesn't give me the opportunity to hang out and network much so I don't get booked often. It's been a long time since I killed and since I'm published in comedy often, maybe I've gotten all I could out of stand-up.

But Eric I asked me to do a spot at Comix. And Renee told me to do it. So I went. It was a little open mike thing but most of my friends were there, listening and enjoying each other's material. I got up fourth and did a good chunk of material I'd written that day. Some worked, some didn't. I had as good a set as anyone else, which for that line-up is saying something.

But the most important thing was it was pressure free. I didn't worry about having a great set. I didn't worry about how much better the other comics did. I didn't worry about where my life was going. I just wanted to get up. I missed it. And I enjoyed it.

When I posted about my frustration with stand-up, no one left a comment. But people kept coming up to me. "I hear you're quitting comedy?" Everyone seemed confused. It's not like when I stopped playing in bands. People shrugged, figured I was growing up. But with comedy, people wondered why I would walk away from soemthing I was good at. Well, you're right. I shouldn't. I'll be hosting Writer's Room at the PIT next Thursday. Stop by.

9-11-08

Seven years later, I don't have much new to say. But my Uncle Tim took this picture and I think it says it all.

Ben Month 14.2

While I was working, Renee and Ben went back to Colorado for the weekend. This kid can travel. I didn't set foot on a plane until I was 15.

New NewsGroper Article!

And, since this Batman story hits me where I live, I had to write a piece about it.

Batman Says the "C" Word

When DC announced Frank Miller and Jim Lee were teaming up to create a new Batman comic, fans rejoiced. Until they saw it. Frank Miller is apparantly trying to destroy his writing career (while launching a directing one) with this book. It's not bad, it's awful. And the fact that they've only published nine issues in three years means they took their time making it awful.

But now it's sunk to new lows as the new issue has been recalled. Because Batman apprantly calls someone the "C" word. Is this offensive? Probably, but I don't care. Is it stupid and out of character? Absolutely. He's already had Bruce calling himself "The Goddamn Batman", screwing Black Canary, slapping Robin and punching out Green Lantern for no reason. This is just Miller trying to top himself.

But who at DC let this out? No one thought to cut the word before the book saw press? And weeks later, once it arrived at stores, now they panic and tell store owners to pull it? It's a costly move just to garner some press that Batman doesn't need these days (if the character ever needed more press). The end result is that a book that's three months late now got pushed back another month. Thanks, Frank. You're a comics genius.

Gibson Guitar factory

Still busy. If you're not, want to see how guitars are made?

NewsGroper one liner

I'm swamped at work (even came in on saturday) so I've had little time for any other writing. For example, this is all I had for NewsGroper.

Larry David Hates Cancer

Found this on Black 20. Ah, good old Black20.

Johnnie Walker

I'm digging Geni, the online family tree, even though it's a pain in the butt. On the one hand they email me about seven times a day. On the other, I learn about family members I never knew.

Here's a perfect example. For years I heard a rumor that we had a silent film star in the family. The story was a beacon of hope for those of us who became performers (quite a few). My uncle Jimmy would tell me stories of the great actor. "Oh, he was so handsome. Always wore his hat tilted to one side". That's all the information I got. I heard that story so many times I began to disbelieve it. Who gets famous for wearing a hat tilted to one side?

Turns out the rumors are true. I looked on the family tree and there's my second great uncle, Johnnie Walker. And there's a picture.




Here he is on imdb. He made 91 movies. And he's real. And hey, look how he's wearing that hat!

Thanks, Geni.

New Play Cole Podcast!

Every time I watch X-Men 3: The Last Stand I can't believe how bad it gets. Then I can't believe how funny it is that it's gotten this bad.

In this Play Cole Podcast, Jon Clarke, Mike Drucker, Mark Normand, Alex Grubard and Billy the Kid watch Brett Ratner go through Bryan Singer's X-Men franchise with a fine-tooth pickaxe.

Listen!

God no!

Star Trek: the Experience is closing.

Yes, its a bad economy. Yes, the franchise is dead. Yes, it was never cool to begin with. But the Experience was awesome. Bill and I went two years ago and it was one of the best weekends I've ever had. We went on the rides five times. We bought communicators and rank pins. We got drunk on blue beer. We talked to Klingons. We got hit on by women. Yes, there was a place where Trekkies could actually be hit on by women. Married men.

And now it's gone. No one will be able to be beamed up anymore. No one will get to see Shatner's uniform. No one will ever get to take pictures like this:



It's a crime.