iPad

The more I read about this before the keynote Wednesday, the more excited I got. A touch screen laptop with no keyboard? Sounds like a perfect replacement for that Macbook I never got around to picking up.

Then it launched. No Flash, 64 GB, iPhone OS. In fact, iPhone everything. It's a big old iPhone. The iBook store is aimed right at the Kindle but will the screen be any easier on the eyes than a laptop? As someone who's read hundreds of comic books on a laptop screen with the lights out, I know this is something you should not be doing.

If this had a full OS, 300GB of memory, Flash and weighed four pounds, I'd still be all over it. I need function over form and that's the one way Apple ever fails me. The concept is incredible and the execution is beta. In two or three years, after a few upgrades, the iPad will be essential. The same way the iPhone became interesting once it hit 32GBs.

Apple thinks it's way more revolutionary than it is. The internet pundits think it's useless. No one's going to be happy when this thing launches.

The Prisoner

I love this show and everyone I try to introduce it to hates it.

The Prisoner to this day is a groundbreaking, unique show. It's creepy and weird and delights in keeping you off kilter. A psychedelic X Files or a Kafkaesque James Bond. Either way you look at it, it's tremendously better than the new age remake AMC foisted on us.

Here's the opening. It's a three minute title sequence. Three minutes! That's just ridiculous and another reason people hate it.

The Lift

Greatest bad horror movie ever.

Star Wars 3D

They say the technology in Avatar will change how we see movies. They didn't mention old movies.

George Lucas has once again shown us his true gift and is pleased to announce he's found a new way to sell us the same old product. All six "Star Wars" films will be rereleased in 3D. I'm not excited about this but I have to admit I'm interested. Put them on the Blu-Ray, which I'm sure to buy anyway, and I'll be pleased.

Agency of the Year

It's been a long time since I've been proud of my work in advertising. But moving to Mcgarry/Bowen last August has made me feel creative, integral to the process and appreciated.

Turns out the rest of the industry thinks so too. AdAge just named Mcgarry/Bowen Agency of the Year. It's rainy, grey and Monday but everyone here is in a very good mood.

Conan's Done

So Conan's last show is tonight and he pockets $45 million for leaving. Looks like Fox will want him in September and leno will return to the Tonight Show under a cloud of bad press.

But here's a question no one is asking; what the hell is NBC putting on at 10?

Avatar

Judging from the attendance in the theater, Renee and I were two of the last in America to see it.

Everyone's weighed in on this movie. Most people love it. Some people are too sad it ended. One guy died.

I'm not as in love with it. It's a film that's incredibly well crafted, taking a giant leap from where Lucas left off technologically. Nobody does big like Cameron. That man takes incredible financial risks every time out of the gate and pays it off every time. He's got a track record a gambler would envy.

And yet, much of this movie feels like a remake of his Aliens . We have the scumbag corporation in space, screwing over the lower guys on the ladder. We have the gung-ho two-dimensional military. We have the power loader. We have the out of control alien animal life. We have the drop ship. We have Sigourney Weaver.

But when you look at Aliens today you realize it's not a high budget film. This is. The amount of detail on the screen is stunning. Every pixel on screen looks agonizingly worked over. I was in the middle of five minute flight scene before I noticed the complex system of the wings.

The 3D only enhances that effect. Instead of looking for novel ways to throw objects from the screen at us (like the ludicrous Piranha 3D trailer)Cameron found techniques to make the screen deeper. The viewing planes pull away, so you want climb in the screen and explore this deep, new world.

Yet, emotionally it feels hollow. The plot hits the Hero's Journey/ Mutiny on the Bounty riffs with a clang. And we don't get a chance to identify with any character too deeply. There's too much happening (for a two and a half film, something new happens every two minutes). We don't get enough time with any character in live action to project them onto the cg versions. The animation is superb but it always feels like animation. At its best, scenes play like actors in masks.

Oh, and James Cameron still loves the color blue. 25 years of blue films. Congratulations, Cameron!

Racist Commercial

Man.



As a comedian, I'm offended. As an advertiser I'm offended. But as a conosseur of train wrecks, I love it.

Every Elevator is an Express Elevator

Heard about this from Patton Oswalt on Jimmy Pardo's podcast.

Here's what you do:

1. Get on an "Otis Elevator".
2. Press your floor and the 'door close button AT THE SAME TIME.
3. Your elevator will skip every floor but your own.

I've now ruined your inter-office commute.

Onion's Best Comedy Albums of the Decade

Of these albums, I've heard 75%. Of the comics that made these albums, I've seen half. I'm on none.

But "Impersonal" is my favorite.

Read on.

Conan Speaks Out

In other shitty media news, NBC decided instead of cancelling "The Jay Leno Show" a shell of his former "Tonight Show" run, they will move it to 11:35, making it "The Tonight Show". And Conan? He gets shoved to 12:05.

Or he doesn't. Check out this press release where he tells NBC to go to hell. For a network with a history of shoving out Carson and scaring away Letterman, this should give some executives pause. Or get them fired.

Raimi Out of Spider-Man

The studio didn't like the idea of John Malkovich as Vulture. So he's gone and the entire franchise is getting a reboot.

Not sure how I feel about this. Raimi is a hell of a director (the committee thinking Spider-man 3 not withstanding)and Drag me to Hell proves he's still got a lot of passion for the cinema. But I never really warmed up to Maguire and Dunst. Tobey maguire nailed the Ditko brooding Peter but didn't get the robust Romita version that became the standard. And Kirsten Dunst? The less said about that casting the better.

There will be a Spider-Man 4 but the quality of it will be as up in the air as Spider-Man 1 was before 2002. Either way, I'll see it.

Beatles Suck

Ron Zabrocki has been making all his Facebook friends mad by lamely attacking the Beatles. This has caused the most animosity.

Show tomorrow!

Live January 9th 2010
Walker and the Brotherhood of the Grape
@ The Irish Circle
101-19 Rockaway Beach blvd Rockaway Beach N.Y. 11694
Showtime 9 P.M.
$10 at door The Brotherhood will feature special guests from the Caribbean...College and B.M.W.A!

Celebrating a few birthday's including Walker's. Giving a proper send off to a local friend who is being sent back to the middle east in service of our country. Thad-Rock and Danny Valk are keeping the bar.

The Brotherhood of the Grape is
Walker=vocals/guitar
Geoff Unger=lead guitar
Eddy Joe McCabe=bass
Brian Senders=drums
Jon Clarke=guitar
Mike Devellis=Sax

Cool Tech Tip

When I flew to Chicago for xmas, LGA was packed. Only at the tellers. The ATMs were wide open but I had run out of ink in the printer and never made an e ticket. I knew I had email in my iphone.

(and yes, I have an iphone. I bought it two days before getting assigned the Droid project and if I could break my contract I would. So stop smirking.)

On a hunch, I opened my gmail account, pulled up my email ticket, and used the gestures to make it the right size. Then I ran it under the scanner.

It worked. And it worked on the way home too. I haven't heard of anybody doing this before but I'm sure it will work for you.

And I'm sure it will work on a Droid ;)

Brotherhood of the Grape Saturday night!

Hometown gig this weekend! Come see how people I went to grade school with have aged.

Live January 9th 2010
Walker and the Brotherhood of the Grape
@ The Irish Circle
101-19 Rockaway Beach blvd Rockaway Beach N.Y. 11694
Showtime 9 P.M.
$10 at door The Brotherhood will feature special guests from the Caribbean...College and B.M.W.A!

Celebrating a few birthday's including Walker's. Giving a proper send off to a local friend who is being sent back to the middle east in service of our country. Thad-Rock and Danny Valk are keeping the bar.

The Brotherhood of the Grape is
Walker=vocals/guitar
Geoff Unger=lead guitar
Eddy Joe McCabe=bass
Brian Senders=drums
Jon Clarke=guitar
Mike Devellis=Sax

Iron Man Anime

I don't know if this is ever coming to this country, but man do I want to see it.

Jon as Dana Gould

Now let's celebrate Halloween.

I've been so busy I'm just getting around to putting up my second "Schtick or Treat" spot. But I still like it. Last year was Bob Newhart, this year Dana Gould. Not as well known so I don't get as many laughs from the impression but the material stands for itself and gets a great reaction. Enjoy.

Okay Then. That's It.

That was some decade, wasn't it?

I could focus on the ten years of crap we were handled by this world (eight of them by the Bush administration) but I think everyone with a blog, a tweet or a status update is doing that now. I like to think of things in a more self absorbed way.

When 1999 turned to 2000 I was in bed with a girl I met that day. Things could only go up from there. I met my wife two weeks later. I started in advertising, a career I would struggle against the entire decade, six months after that. I spent no energy in forwarding that track and the money on things I really cared about. Like more guitars, HD tvs and hardcover comic books.

Got married right in the middle of the decade. I was bored out of my mind by my job at this point and tried everything creative to get out of it. Joined a sketchy band, made little comedy videos (and sent them to Youtube as soon as they opened), and started this blog.

Then I discovered stand-up comedy. And got laid off. Within six weeks of each other. Everything changed. I gave it all up to persue a dream. A dream of pulling chuckles out of small groups of half drunk strangers. I put myself through several doses of humiliation to prove something to myself. That I was funny. I proved that much. Handing out flyers at the Improv I got seven shows a week and a "Colbert Report" audition. Things looked promising.

Then Ben was born. And everything changed again. I had a decision to make. I could either vecome a good comic or a good dad. I wasn't willing to sacrifice a son that was here for a career that might not happen. I stayed home to raise him and went out less nights. I got less bookings and apart from my own show (two years running) I wasn't part of the scene. Another audition, this one for the Onion, came and went and once the economy tanked, I had another decision to make. I had to go back to work.

Once Ben turned two, he was ready for day care and I was ready to go back to the office. I quickly got into Continuity as they merged with McGarry/Bowen and started pitching. Suddenly I was on a $100 million dollar account that everyone was talking about. I wrote a website that got millions of hits a day. I got a staff position, a promotion and an office. The success I was working so hard for fell into my lap from my back-up plan. The years of stand-up comedy had paid off in an unexpected way.

I'd like to say this decade changed everything but it changed everything again and again. This was the first real decade of my adulthood (the 90's were college and struggle, the 80's and 70's pure childhood) and yet things changed as much as they had in earlier decades. Now that I'm a husband and father, can I expect more changes from teh next ten years? Or maybe, a little stability.