Seven Sound Stratocaster

Three dollars just changed my guitar forever.

Last winter I swapped out the bridge pickup in my strat for a mini humbucker. It was a little complicated adding a coil tap switch into the tone control but worth it. The sound opened up on the guitar and my most comfortable instrument became one of my best sounding.

So what else could I do?

I always read a about a mod where with one toggle switch I could add two more sounds to the strat's native five. The stock sounds are:

neck pickup
neck pickup w/ middle pickup
middle pickup
middle pickup w/ bridge pickup
bridge pickup

That leaves neck w/ bridge and all on settings. The toggle switch promised just that. I picked one up for three dollars yesterday and set to work mangling a precisely tuned instrument. Drilling into the pickguard hurt a little but wiring the switch into the guitar was the easiest soldering I've ever done. It was finished in ten minutes and even came with a white cap making the new sitch invisible from a distance.

Now what else could I do?

I've retired my 17 year old Tele Plus. It sounded great but it was just too damn heavy. And the older I get, the heavier it will become. So I've been cannibalizing parts for the strat. I'd already stolen its locking tuners and tremsetter. Now I really wanted to swap the bridge with its pop-in whammy bar. I thought I could do it simply by switching teh tremolo blocks under the bridge. Ten minutes and two dissassembled bridges later, I found I was wrong.

Now I had a problem.

Once I had taken the bridge saddles apart, I had completely undone the perfect intonation work. This terrified me. Intonation can be a very tricky process. I had NEVER been able to do it. You could usually stop me from making any adjustment to a guitar by saying, "You know, that'll fuck up your intonation." Now I was starting from scratch. I could either give up and find a tech to do it for me. Or I could go online.

In a minute and a half video, I learned what I needed to know twenty years ago.

Bridge Intonation: Fender Strat Setup -- powered by ExpertVillage.com

That could not be clearer. I spent twenty minutes with my tuner and the guitar sounds even better than before. I'm still screwing with the action (can't find a comfortable setting) but I can't believe I can do this now. It's like a kid learning to tie his shoes for the first time. I was so excited I fixed the intonation on my Les Paul. Didn't even know it was off.

How to Set the Intonation on a Les Paul Guitar -- powered by ExpertVillage.com

Thanks, Expert Village!

I also started sanding the inside of the guitar for better resonance. I realized I had no idea what I was doing and stopped.

Top 50 WTF Moments in Comics

Ed writes us all the way from Seattle with this gem. Of course you have to wade through a ton of pop-up menus for a Comedy Central concept worse than anything I ever pitched to them.

I miss Ed.

Another Strange Dream

I'm going to blame the flu on this one.

I was walking through a hospital (it was a hospital on the Death Star but that's besides the point) and I entered a room. Jim Henson was in bed. It wasn't the real Jim Henson as this dream takes place in present time. They had just hired an actor in case anyone who wanted to say something to the real Jim Henson never got the chance.

I felt kind of silly but I went to him. "Mr. Henson? I don't mean to take up too much of your time but I'm a writer and performer and I've based much of my style on your work on the Muppets. I just wanted to thank you."

The actor playing Jim Henson was gracious, if a little awkward. I walked out and Mike Lawrence went in. He asked Jim Henson for work.

Tiberius

I'm not the most in touch guy around. My attempts at topical humor prove that. But is there really a market of guys out there who want to smell like Jim Kirk?

Seagate

DO NOT deal with them.

I have a LOT of data. The last few years I've gone all digital with my pictures, work, music and comic. So I've learned to back everything up. Often.

I have a 500GB Western Digital MyBook external next to my computer. I dropped the first one and WD replaced it before I even sent it back. I appreciate that customer service more than ever now.

The MyBook was getting full (I have a LOT of data). So I went to Best Buy for a bigger one. Seagate makes a 1.5 TB drive. I hadn't used them before but I figured a hard drive is a hard drive.

Mistake #1.

A few months later, the Seagate died during a backup. It would add a couple of files and crash, taking the desktop with it. I no longer had the box or the receipt. I figured that was the end of it.

Bill visited and suggested returning it to the manufacturer. He assured me the loss of the box and receipt would be no problem. Just go online and register it on their website.

Mistake #2.

It took twenty minutes through their Gordian Knot of a site to find the return page. I had to enter the serial number four differnet times. And once I was done, all Seagate sent me was a pdf on how to ship it back. It mainly told me to put it in that box I don't have.

So I ship it. And a week later I get three emails from donotreply@seagate.com. Always a helpful sign. The last email said this:


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Line/
Seq Seagate PN/
Customer PN PN Description/
Cust Line Ref # Issue Date/
Receipt Date Req Qty/
Rcv Qty # Exp Not Rcv Qty/
OOW Charges

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



1 9ZB2A8-570 ST315005FDA2E1-RK 20-MAR-2009 1 1
1 1 No receipts 0 0.00 0



Serial No Expected Not Received: 2GEV3H2H


3 9ZB2A8-570 ST315005FDA2E1-RK 20-MAR-2009 0 0
3 RETURN UNREPAIRED 27-MAR-2009 1 0.00 0
Serial No Received: 2GEV3H2H






--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Total Requested Quantity : 1
Total Clean Received Quantity : 0
Total Expected Not Received Qty : 1
Total Discrepant Quantity : 0
Total Return Unrepaired Quantity : 1
Total OOW Charges : 0.00


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Dear Sir or Madam,

Your RMA (Return Material Authorization) Number is 1001733990.
Your Order Reference Number is 1001733990.

This document details the RMA as received. If there are any differences from the Order Acknowledgement, please amend your records accordingly.

Best regards,
Seagate Technology


******** ALWAYS REFERENCE RMA NUMBER ********
when inquiring about or sending in your order

To this day, I have no idea what it means. For awhile I thought they had lost the drive. They seem to have a serial number but don't have the serial number. The serial number is on the drive itself but no one can find it. Do they need the store receipt? The one they never asked for? Did they not like the way I shipped it back? Do they just hate the Irish?

Yesterday I get a phone call. UPS is delivering something with a tracking number that doesn't work. Stay there. Don't take a shower. Don't go into a room where you can't hear the doorbell. Just wait for UPS.

Today they delivered the drive. It wasn't a replacement like WD sent me. It was my old drive with stickers on it. Stickers with more serial numbers and abbreviations. And two wires sticking out of the side. I picked it up and broken plastic rattled inside it.

Just to satisfy my own curiosity, I plugged it in. My data was still there. And it crashed.

Now I'm just confused. Seagate didn't fix my drive. In fact, they broke it a little more. But why send it back? Why pay the expense to send me a more broken product back? And why make me fucking sign for it?

Bill figures they're not a company set up for end users. I don't think they're a company set up for humans. Unless that human is Franz Kafka. It's one thing to screw me but why spend your own money to screw me? It just doesn't make sense.

BTW, the WD MyBook drive? Still working perfectly.

Elmo's Potty Time

Ben is saying 'poo poo' a lot now. A clue he's getting ready to be potty trained. That's going to be interesting.

To build his enthusiasm, we bought him an instructional dvd hosted by Elmo. It's clear, positive and damn hard to keep a straight face through. This is an actual song from that dvd. IT IS NOT THE FUNNIEST PART.



There are a slew of gems on this video. Like a close up of Elmo saying, "I call it pee pee and poo poo." Or singing with Grover "Accidents Happen". Or possibly the reatest is when they interview little girls who give their own words for pee and poo. 8 children yell in unison "I need to urinate". And one girls, who I'm assuming was not coached, confesses "I pee when I'm asleep". The video is brought to you by the letter P and the number 2, for God's sake.

You can see how bizarrely inappropriate this is for the license. Did you know puppets crapped? But, as always, they're hearst in the right place. And laughing at it in front of Ben would defeat the purpose. So I think the next time this goes on, I'll just step out of the room. I'll tell him I need to 'tinkle'.

April Fool's Day

Amateur hour.

Do me a favor. If you're going to play a joke on someone, make sure it IS a joke. With a punchline. Not a lie. Like this:

"Your mother died."
"What?"
"April Fool's!"

That is not comedy. That is creul abuse and says more about suppressed hostility towards your coworkers than you would like to admit.

If you can't think of a joke, sit back down. Like St. Patrick's Day is not a license to be a drunken mess, today is not a license to be a douchebag.

Here's an example:

Hot Toys making X-Men Movie Figures

Now, if this is true, it's undeniably cool. Hot Toys made the most beautiful 12" Batman figures I think we'll ever see. And I can't wait for the Iron Man I've had on order since the summer. I'm not the biggest fan of the movies (or the X franchise) but I might pick up a Hugh Jackman Logan.

If it's not true then it's a douche move. And not because I'd like it to be true. It's because there's nothing funny in this. There's no punchline other than "I just lied to you". Is the tip off the fact that no one else has reprted this yet? If the article was on Howard the Duck figures, now you'd have a joke. Instead of betrayed trust from a news source.

Pedalboard 2.0

My quest is at an end.

I mentioned before I was going through an overhaul of my guitar effects. The project took me places I didn't know I needed to go.

First I sold my analog echo pedal. I've had it four years, gigged with it and still made a profit. In its place, I put a BOSS digital delay that cost about half and took up a third of the space. It's also immensely powerful, going up to three seconds before the sound repeats, plus it adequately copies the warm analog sound. It was a very good decision.

I'm a fan of modulation. I've always had a chorus or a phaser in my board. I originally planned to add a BOSS chorus and a tremolo to the MXR Phase 100. A bit much but I wanted choices.

Then I discovered the Line 6 MM4. It had all three effects in one pedal, plus 13 more! I had already bought the BOSS chorus but the deals on ebay were too good. I ended up getting one for 65% off on ebay.

It showed up a half an hour before our last jam session (and I can't tell you how I look forward to those!). I plugged it in and tried it for the first time in a band setting. The sounds were good but a little weak.

I did some research and found that Keeley did a modification on this processor. They swap out the chips for higher grade electronics and improve the response. Sounded vague but Grant loves his Keeley effects so I sent it out. Even with the extra cost I'm still up on the deal.

It came back yesterday. And it's like a different pedal. The sounds are richer, stronger, louder. The LEDs are even brighter. And blue.

It's still a bit limited in range. None of the models can achieve the crazy, no- musical tones the individual stompboxes reach when they're turned up too far. But considering the price and space options, plus the added bonus of a true bypass signal, I'm satisfied for the next few years.

While I was at it, I took the opportunity to velcro down the tuner and run it in the chain, add a 5 in 1 adapter so I could power everything with one plug and vacuum the damn thing out. You have no idea what four years of catnaps will do to velcro.

Happy Birthday Renee!

I'm glad you had a great weekend.

26 Great Cancelled Shows

Entertainment Weekly has a list. "Firefly" is on it. "Andy Richter Controls the Universe" is on it. And I thought "Life on Mars" was still on.

Check it out!

Top Ten Mail Away Figures

Poe Ghostal has a list. I'm still waiting on my Doc.

NewsGroper

I've just received some sad news.

After two years, NewsGroper is going on haitus. At a time when I was banging my head against the wall trying to get published by the comedy sites, they reached out to me and offered me a spot. They've published about twenty of my articles and featured many. I'm sorry to see them go.

The Last Battlestar Galactica

Was very good.

I've been watching this show since season one. I didn't want to. I had no love for the original series and the attempts to relaunch it in the 90's were even worse. But Robert and Bill wouldn't leave me alone about it. Plus it was created by Ron Moore, my favorite Star Trek writer (and when you consider he wrote "Sins of the Father", "All Good Things" and "First Contact", he's yours, too). So I watched one episode. Then the next. Then every one until now.

The show had a serious dip in the third season. Season two had one of the greatest cliffhangers and they simply could not follow it. Fortunately, they picked up in season four and it became a massive movement. BSG was a basic cable cult hit that everyone I knew watched.

And now a two hour finale. It's not worth going into spoilers. It's not even worth going into themes. It's such a perfect completion to 83 episodes. If you haven't seen 82 of them, anything I say to you would have no meaning.

Every series is judged by its final episode. That's why so few get respect. people point to "Newhart" and "Star Trek: the Next Generation" as classics. They ended well. they also began horribly but that's besides the point. "The X Files" is snickered at. It had six phenomenal seasons and limped into nine. I was always on the fence about "Battlestar Galactica". The finale put me over. It's more than an improvement on the first. It's a classic.

Finished!

Just completed the first draft of my fifth screenplay (and my favorite). Took two years.

Now what?

I Had a Dream Last Night...

That Comedy Central gave me an audition. They sent a video crew with me to a wine tasting. The idea would be that I would riff and they would show it on either "The Daily Show" or "The Colbert Report".

Time got muddied (like it does in dreams) and when I came to I was hung over. I turned on the tv and Andrew "Dice" Clay had a new show on Comedy Central. He was introducing a segment called "Look at this Drunk Idiot". It showed me the night before, slurring, stumbing and humiliating everyone around me. And they spelled my name right.

I don't know if that says more about entertainment or neurosis. But it says a lot about me.

Top 20 Most Shocking Album Covers

Here's Guitar World's take. I love how uninspired the censored versions are.

Jim Cramer on "The Daily Show"

I don't know anything about finance. But I know a meltdown when I see one.

"Sesame Street" Lays Off 20% of Staff

It's a television legend. It's an incredible learning tool. It's a career goal. It's a local production. And it's a shame.



And the way CNN reports it is offensive. What the hell does that "Mad TV" sketch have to do with anything? They might as well have had Dave Chappelle saying "Bitch, I live in a trash can!" Way to take the easy joke, news channel.

Shatner Thinks the SNL Staff is Lazy

Apparantly the guest host is so protected he thinks they just wing it.

Babylon 5

I just finished Walter Koening's autobiography "Warped Factors" (thanks to Cromely's recommendation). There's a lot of discussion in it about how good he is, not only on "Star Trek" but "Babylon 5". People seem to love this show, the way they loved "The X Files", "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "Firefly" and other shows I ignored when they aired. The first two seasons are free on Hulu so I'm giving it a try.

I hate it. I'm nine episodes in and it's terrible. Anyone a fan of this show? Can anyone tell me how good it's going to get? "Star Trek: the Next Generation" and "Buffy" had lousy first seasons and now they are two of my favorite shows. Someone give me some support.

This is the pilot episode. It is garbage, isn't it?

The Edge

So I'm selling effects, buying effects. Most of my pedalboard is changing. But no matter how far I go, I will never have those two refrigerators that the Edge has behind him.

Part 1:


Part 2 (where the Edge gets confused about his own equipment):


Part 3:

Watchmen

When I was a teenager, I spent a lot of time in my room. So much that if my dad wanted to talk to me, he had to knock on my door. And one day he did.

"The book club said this was a good comic book. Here." And he handed me Watchmen. Over the last twenty years I've read it twelve times. It's not a book I love, it's book I awe. So there's no way I could sit through three hours of the movie and not compare it to the book.

It's a good adaptation. Probably as good as anyone could do. Terry Gilliam would have had more inspiration, but it would have been a mess. Darren Aronofsky would have been humorless and navel gazing. Zach Snyder does the same job he did on 300, treating the word balloons as a script and the art as storyboards.

But there's things he missed. And some of them I miss. I don't like the handling of the females. The book had women. This movie has girls. Carla Guigino is the perfect woman and she can't save her gender here. Dr. Manhattan seems pissed rather than clueless of humanity. And I have some trouble with the new ending. It makes more sense for the cinema but it's got a glaring logical hole.

Rorshach is the stand out. He was my favorite character in the book and he is here. I haven't seem Jackie Earl Haley since "The Bad News Bears" and he's gotten way better. Snyder felt the need to take the most violent scene with the character and make it way more violent. He amps up the gore without increasing the impact. I don't see why.

"Watchmen" is the greatest comic book ever made. Any attempt to adapt it has to be phenomenal or it will be seen as a disappointment. This movie is a disappointment. But it's not a failure.

U2 on Letterman

Wait. U2 has been on Letterman ALL WEEK? Isn't this something my sister should have told me?

Luckily we live in the age of the internet where every clip is up.

Guitar effects

We've got a jam session running with a full band of comedians. A lot of ex-musicians are on stage telling jokes. We're renting time at the same rehearsal studio I went to with three different bands. It's great to play loud again.

So I've been trying to fine tune my guitar sound. The last time I bought any effects was four years ago. My analog delay pedal has a great 80's "Edge" sound to it but it does little else. The vibrato and chorus are almost useless. And it takes up way too much room.So I'm getting a much smaller BOSS digital delay.

I love modulation effects so I just bought a BOSS Super Chorus. I use tremolo a lot now so I should get another pedal. And I'm keeping the Phaser. That's three pedals where I had one.

And Line 6 makes one pedal that does everything. But I don't know anyone that has one. There are a MILLION Youtube videos with reviews and demos. But the compressed sound isn't really helping.

Videos like this are not helping either. But they are what I see when I close my eyes.

My Script Made the Finals!

Finally, some good news.

Steve Klausner and I wrote a horror screenplay three years ago that we both liked. Steve's movie "Headspace" had just premiered and I was honored he wanted to collaborate on my ideas. The script went well but there was something missing.Last year, we figured out what it was and did an extensive rewrite.

Today we got this message:

Dear Paranoia Screenplay Finalists,

We at Paranoia would like to personally congratulate you on being chosen as a finalist in our film festival. We will be announcing the winner of our Screenplay Category at our award ceremony on Sunday March 15th, which begins at 8:30. We will also be posting it on our website the following day. If you can't be there physically we will notify you by email and inform you how to go about receiving your prize.

Best of luck,
The Paranoia Team

So I'm not as funny as I'd like to be but, apparantly, I'm scarier than most.

Snow Day

Yesterday we got a foot of snow. Between shoveling, keeping Ben inside from the wind, encouraging Ben to go outside in the drifts, comforting Ben when he cried from the cold, cooking, shopping and cleaning off the car, I had no time to post.

Good God, I'm a woman.

Second Place

I was a very smart child. And it's ruined my life.

By 3, I learned how to read. In kindergarten I was accelerated to the gifted class. I got very used to straight 'A's. I got used to perfection.

But then puberty came along. I got distracted. I got a few 'B's. And I didn't know how to handle it. I panicked. That didn't help.

High school made things worse. I started failing. And since I was used to perfection, it felt like something that was happening outside of me. My dad locked me in the house for three hours a night to study. It did little to help my social skills but my grades improved. They never became straight 'A's though. I didn't know how to reach the perfection that seemed so natural once.

My life has followed that same pattern. Comic books. Music. Comedy. I worked very hard at all of them, got to 'good' then hit a wall. As hard as I worked and as frustrated as I got, I couldn't make the leap from mediocre to impressive. As a consequence, I was never able to make the career I wanted.

Anybody have any ideas how to break this?

Matt Groening

"The Simpsons" marks its 20th year of production this year. While it may not be at its height of creative power like it was in the mid 90's, it's still the smartest, funniest sitcom out there. I will watch it until the day it leaves the air. I wonder when that will be.

"Futurama" is releasing its final movie on dvd this week, "Into the Great Green Yonder". Alex and I caught it at the NYCC and it's as good as everything else they've done. This is the final film on their contract.

No show lasts forever. But when will they close the book on "Futurama"? When will we see "The Simpsons" final episode? According to Matt Groening, never.

Tracks of My Tears

Just watching Smokey Robinson on Elvis Costello's talk show "Spectacle" and I'm reminded of a simple truth. Smokey wrote quite simply the best lyrics of a pop song ever.

People say I'm the life of the party
Because I tell a joke or two
Although I might be laughing loud and hearty
Deep inside I'm blue
So take a good look at my face
You'll see my smile looks out of place
If you look closer, it's easy to trace
The tracks of my tears..
I need you, need you
Since you left me if you see me with another girl
Seeming like I'm having fun
Although she may be cute
She's just a substitute
Because you're the permanent one..
So take a good look at my face
You'll see my smile looks out of place
If you look closer, it's easy to trace
The tracks of my tears..
I need you, need you
Outside I'm masquerading
Inside my hope is fading
Just a clown oh yeah
Since you put me down
My smile is my make up
I wear since my break up with you..
So take a good look at my face
You'll see my smile looks out of place
If you look closer, it's easy to trace
The tracks of my tears

Beat that, Eminem.

Conan and Mr. T

I just realized how much I'm gonna miss Late Night With Conan O' Brien.

25 Albums

This was the first Facebook note that I ever wanted to respond to. I posted it there, now it's here.

25 Albums

Directions: Think of 25 albums that had such a profound effect on you they changed your life or the way you looked at it. They sucked you in and took you over for days, weeks, months, years. These are the albums that you can use to identify time, places, people, emotions. These are the albums that no matter what they were thought of musically shaped your world. When you finish, tag 25 others, including me. Make sure you copy and paste this part so they know the drill. Get the idea now? Good. Tag, you're it!


Black Sabbath, Paranoid. I first heard “War Pigs” drunk on a camping trip staring into the coals of the campfire. I recommend everyone do it this way.

Monty Python’s Instant Record Collection. I played this one more than any Rolling Stones album I ever bought. And I know more of the words.

Neil Young, Harvest. That was six months of one bad breakup.

Carole King, Tapestry. Same breakup. And some acid.

Monkees, Head. Just the acid.

Guns n’ Roses, Appetite For Destruction. The first album I ever bought that made me feel hip and current. Buying it now would have the opposite effect.

Pink Floyd, The Wall. So good it’s worth ten bucks to listen to it once. I wasn’t enough of a pothead for most of their albums but anger and self-destruction? Count me in.

Beach Boys, Pet Sounds. The album that made me stop hating the Beach Boys. Or at least Brian Wilson.

Beastie Boys, Paul Boutique. A joke band no more.

Radiohead, OK Computer. Arguably the last great album from the last great era of music.

Body Count. The worst record I’ve ever owned. Every time I listen to it, I wonder; is Ice-T in on his own joke?

Paul McCartney, McCartney. The king of all home demos. And it’s got my wedding song on there.

Nirvana, Nevermind. I first saw the video for “Smells Like Teen Spirit” on MTV at 2 a.m. and said out loud, “Music is gonna change.” Then I saw Henry Rollins’ video for “Low Self Opinion.” I said, “The Punisher has a band now?”

Metallica, Master of Puppets. Yes, we can hate them now. But by minute 8 of the title track I was transformed from hippie to metalhead.

KT Tunstall, Eye to the Telescope. Best album I’ve heard in five years.

Keith Richards, Talk is Cheap. Who needs Mick when you’ve got five strings?

Beatles, Revolver. I listened to this on my first cd walkman and yelled in the street. “Oh! Paul McCartney really IS a good bass player!”

Bill Cosby, To Russell, My Brother, Whom I Slept With. Side 2 is one bit. One bit! With an eighteen minute act-out! You ask me, it’s never been beaten.

Bob Dylan, Highway 61 Revisited. The perfect Dylan balance. Smarter than you, rocks harder than it should and full of equal parts snarl and hilarity.

Johnny Cash, American Recordings, Volume II: Unchained. They’re all worth it but this is the one with the Heartbreakers on it.

Cream, The Very Best of Cream. The first (and last) album I learned every guitar solo to. If I do nothing else with my life, I saw the reunion concert.

Allman Brothers, Beginnings. I’m still working on these guitar solos. If you want to know why I got a Les Paul at 30, this album’s to blame.

Elvis Costello, Brutal Youth. Right at the point I got into Elvis, he put out one of his strongest albums. It’s been a sad, slow decline ever since.

Liz Phair, Exile in Guyville. Nothing like a cute, tough chick with some Fender gear. I never wanted to make out with a singer more in my life. It was disheartening to learn all my friends did too.

Harry Nilsson, All-Time Greatest hits. Different breakup.

Transcendentalist Television

I don't see Alex Grubard enough anymore. That's why I'm happy to hear about the new show he's running at The PIT. I'm even happier to hear how original it will be. How original? Just check out the amazing full-blown website he's launched for the premiere!

Here tis.

New NewsGroper Article!

Facebook tried to own all your content. Brett Ratner got it back.

Read on!

Is There Anybody Out There?

Yesterday after I posted I returned to a completely blank blog. The sidebar was there with every post but the main body was white. Did that happen to you? Was it just my browser or did you think I packed it all up and quit? And were you sad?

Writer's Room Tonight!

I'm bringing a book I didn't write.

with:

Jon Clarke
Sean Patton
Jacqueline Novak
Jason Saenz
Ross Hyzer
Joe Mande

hosted by Mike Drucker

Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Time: 9:30pm - 10:30pm
Location: The PIT
Street: 154 W. 29th St
City/Town: New York, NY

Top 10 Most Awkward Letterman Interviews

Dave has a reputation. While he's certainly the best talk show host since Carson, he does seem to get himself into tricky situations. If a guest comes on with a weird attitude, he's not about to guide them out of fit. Instead, he'll come at them head on, creating seven minutes of uncomfortable television. TIME.com has assembled the 10worst with video clips. Every one of these was headline news and endlessly fascinating.

Watch em!

Ben Month 19

He got more out of Comic-Con this year.

20 Muppet Backstories

CNN talked about the Muppets the other day. And now I want to.

Always loved the Muppets. Always will. One of my dreams is to write on "Sesame Street" The studio's only a mile away. I could ride my bike over and come up with dialogue for Ernie. You hear me, CTW?

Christian Bale

So I've finally heard the tape of him screaming at the DP on the set of "Terminator: Salvation". I ignored it as a piece of celebrity gossip but since then EVERYBODY's been talking about it. Method Man referenced it at a panel Friday. So I listened to it.

And I kinda agree with him. Part of me thinks if I was in his position, I'd have reacted the same way. Does that make me a bad person?

100,000 Visitors!

In three and a half years, I've found 100,000 people who wanted to look at this blog. And in my timely fashion, I'm mentioning it 1500 people later.

When I started this, I was working full time in an ad agency, playing in a band, had no children and weighed 155 pounds. None of that is true anymore. Thanks to the archive function, I know why.

Thanks to everyone who ever visited and continues to stop here. Please don't leave.

NYCC Coverage

Pop Culture Zoo has posted three of my articles from the con. They're here:

Mattel DC action figures revealed

Matty Collector news

Batman: Battle for the Cowl Panel

And here are my pictures.

But here's a few pieces of news I didn't submit:

1. The second show was not as good as the first. Less focus, more heckling.

2. The Green Lantern panel was the best I've been to.

3. Judah Friedlander and Chuck Nice were on an MTV panel. Chuck knew no one knew who he was and came out with guns ablazing. Smart.

4. The Wonder Woman animated movie is the best they've done yet. This is made all the more impressive because it's about Wonder Woman.

5. I almost ran Joss Whedon over with Ben's stroller. And was too star struck to use it as an opening.

It looks like I won't be able to afford San Diego this year. And the New York con is moved to October next year. So I'll return with more coverage in eighteen months!

They Gave Us Another One!

We must have done well because they've added a second show tonight at 6:15. It's the first time I've been asked back anywhere in quite some time.

NYCC Show Today!

After three years, I'm going to accomplish a major goal in my stand-up career.

I'm going to perform at the New York Comic-Con.

I'm hosting a show at the variant stage in the middle of the room. The audience is impossible to predict.

And I'm not alone. I'm hosting three of my favorite headliners.

Jared Logan (VH1)
Kumail Nanjiani (Colbert Report, MAD magazine)
Matt MccCarthy (the red bearded guy in all the FioS commercials)

It's at the Javits Center, 2:00 in the afternoon and tickets to the con cost $40.

Want to come?

The Wolfgang

To my knowledge, Eddie van Halen has had four guitars designed for him. The Kramer was a copy of his red, white and black strat. Enrnie Ball then created a small, balanced guitar called the EVH which I personally lived. He went from there to Peavey where they recreated the EVH as more of a strat. Now Fender has released the Wolfganag which still looks like the EVH.

And for some reason, CNN is reporting on it. Why they care about this guitar, I'll never know. They never mentioned the P-Rails.

Bill Hicks

Letterman finally showed Bill Hicks' final performance on his show Friday. For those of you who don't know, in 1993, Bill's act was considered too controversial and yanked hours before it aired. This was all the more tragic as Bill died a few months later from pancreatic cancer.

Looking back, Dave didn't know why he censored it and neither do I. This isn't even new material. I've heard it all before on his albums. But at least it's a great view into the last televised performance of an amazing comedian.

Dave's heartfelt intro:


Interview with Mary Hicks:


The set:


You can find all three and another article about the incident here. Thanks to John Knefel for pointing this out.

Oh, and speaking of which, I've been watching PBS documentary "Make Em Laugh". On the 'groundbreaking comedians' episode they ignored Hicks and interviewed Carlos Mencia. They ought to be ashamed.

Writer's Room Tonight!

We're doing these things biweekly? Jeez, then we must be good.

With:

Dan Goodman
David Cope
Peter Grosz (writer for The Colbert Report)
Jon friedman (author of "Rejected")

hosted by Jon Clarke (McSweeney's, Newsgroper)

Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Time: 9:30pm - 10:30pm
Location: The PIT
Street: 154 W. 29th St
City/Town: New York, NY

Family Update

I mentioned Renee had to go out of town last weekend. I didn't mention why out of respect for her privacy. I wasn't sure it was my or the blog's place to give details about her mom's condition until she was comfortable talking about it. Now Renee feels we should get the word out so here she is:


"This is my first time as a guest-blogger, but I am a frequent commenter…. I wanted to start by saying thank you to all of you for your thoughts/prayers/well wishes! J

As Jon mentioned the other day, I had to be out of town quickly, and I am soooooo happy it was just a quick trip!
My mother was in a brief coma [Tues night, 1/22] and snapped out as soon as her kids arrived [fully awake on Mon 1/26]! I know we were all excited to see Obama take office, but this was a bit of an extreme reaction. We do have a lot to learn about what exactly happened, but are very happy Ben’s Grandma is still around to get the smootches she needs!
We have set up an update-page through the hospital too, so feel free to check it out and send your well wishes!"

http://www.AuroraHealthCare.org/PatientStatus
Login: CNSAPQP9

We all hope Roxanne gets well soon.

William Shatner on the Muppet Show Update

After 167,005 hits, "William Shatner on the Muppet Show" has been censored for copyright issues. WGA doesn't like it. They didn't produce Shatner's "Has Been" album so I have no idea what stake they have in this. But considering I haven't made a dime off it (or gotten any spots from it. Or even had it kill in front of a live audience) it makes no sense.

Luckily, they haven't found this yet.



And now I've told them about it. Oh, hell.

Long Day

Just concluded a very long, very screamy 13 hours with Ben. This after an entire weekend alone while Renee had to fly out of town. So I'm posting veyr late and stealing a video form Ed Murray's blog.

On second thought, screw that. I'm not stealing his hits. Go to Ed's blog and watch it. It's worth it.

Robert De Niro and Elmo

This actually happened.

Seymour Duncan Triple Shot

The NAMM show is running this week. It's basically Toy Fair for guitars. Last year Seymour Duncan announced the P- Rails and this year they've got something just as innovative.



It's a pickup mounting ring that hides two switches. Once wired, they can split from the humbucker to P 90 to single coil. They can even go from series to parallel to phase. All from the pickup itself. This is a huge relief for those who thought they'd have to drill into their guitars or change all their volume and tone knobs.

I was really hoping to get P-Rails this Christmas. It didn't happen but that may be a blessing in disguise. By the time my birthday rolls around, I should be able to grab a set of Triple Shots as well.

Here's the press release.

Oscar Nominations Are In.

And "The Dark Knight" was all but shut out.

Heath Ledger is nominated but that is it. Look at what made it. Preachy dramas released a month ago starring the same actors who were nominated last year and the year before. Sure, Mickey Rourke is a surprise but look at the best actress category and tell me what year this is.

The Academy will tell you it's not about ratings. Which is true. They don't get any. It all has to do with their nomination choices. When does the broadcast do well? When they've nominated movies people see. Titanic. Chicago. Lord of the Rings. These were good years.

Audiences like to treat the Oscars like a sporting event. They pick teams and root for them with every envelope. Elaine Chen has an awesome annual party with a ballot sheet and prizes. Years when I've seen nothing? This is a very hard sheet to fill.

Now you have a film everyone has seen. According to the box office, people have only seen Titanic more. And critics around the world have hailed it as a modern classic. This is the film you choose to ignore. Why? Because it's the sixth in a franchise? Because it has too many explosions? Because you think Brad Pitt aging backwards is more believeable? Get ready to battle an "Office" marathon, "Super Bowl for women".

And Hugh Jackman as host? You don't want me to watch this at all.

Inauguration Jokes

Here's everything I wrote about the inauguration. Unless I get up tonight I can't ever do these again.

How great was the inauguration? After all these years we finally get to see... Bush leave.

The Democrats were glowing. The Republicans were...crippled. What the hell happened to these people? George Bush Sr. came hobbling out. The CNN anchors said, "We don't know what's wrong with him." I figured Frodo threw the ring into Mt. Doom. And evil was falling.

Then Cheney comes out in a wheelchair. This was fantastic. I always thought he was Mr. Potter from "It's a Wonderful Life." Now I have proof. "You're worth more dead than alive, George Bailey!"

You want further proof he's evil? He was wearing a black fedora! The last guy I saw wearing a black fedora was threatening Marion with a poker. "We are not thirsty."

All the celebrities were there. John Cusack, Steven Spielberg. This was an historic moment. It was the closest John Cusack will ever get to Spielberg. He wasn't even in "The Terminal."

You know Obama took his oath on a Bible that was last used for Lincoln? Those rascists. First black president and he can't even get his own Bible.

I wonder how many presidents were turned down for that Bible.
"You know, I'd like to be sworn in on that Lincoln Bible."
"You know, no."
"Why can't I be sworn in on the Lincoln Bible?"
"Because you're Nixon! Come back in four years when you're not Nixon!"

Then CNN covered three hours of a luncheon. They didn't cut away. Wolf Blitzer was on the air saying, "Democrats, they like to eat birds."

So I turned it off. I came back and they were saying, "Ted Kennedy had a seizure during the luncheon." Those Kennedys. Always have to be the center of attention. "Sure there's a new president, but look at me! Stop eating! Pay attention to me! Get me a stretcher!"

That was a good five minutes.

Writer's Room Tonight!

Everyone's very happy about the President today. So I'll be doing lots of jokes about Elmo.

Writer's Room

with

Bryan Tucker (Saturday Night Live, Chappelle's Show, Chris Rock Show)

Jamie Lee (Jamieleecomedy.com)

Myq Kaplan (Comedy Central's Live @ Gotham)

Maria Shehata (Comedy Central's The Watchlist, Arab American Comedy Festival)

Team Submarine (Sketchfest, Montreal Comedy Festival)

Jon Clarke (McSweeney's)

Mike Drucker (The Onion, Comedy Central.com)

Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Time: 9:30pm - 10:30pm
Location: The PIT
Street: 154 W. 29th St
City/Town: New York, NY

New NewsGroper Article!

Ricardo Montalban has passed away. And William Shatner couldn't be happier.

Read on!

Ben Xmas

New York. Chicago. Wisconsin. New York. Ben had a great time. I'm still tired.

The Dark Knight - Direct From Japan

I was rereading my old high school journals. The entries for the summer of 1989 went mostly like this:

"I can't believe it, she used to like me and now she says she doesn't know he liked her and they seemed so happy and why did she say that to me I hate school she should call me back I wish she would just tell me I like her so much and...

"OH MY GOD BATMAN IS OUT!!!!!!!!!!"

That pretty much sums up my life. I've loved Batman since I was old enough to watch the Adam West show. It's a love that never wanes. I've been there for the camp, the Neal Adams run, the death of Robin, the Tim Burton movies, the animated series, the Superfriends, the Schumacher movies, everything. So when The Dark Knight was called the best film of the year, I was very interested. And when these outrageously expensive 12" action figures were released in Japan I was also very interested. Enough to sell some stuff to get them.

Here's the Batman Begins version. It counts in the Dark Knight line as he wore the suit for the first few scenes. This was an Asian exclusive I had shipped from Hong Kong.



And this is the Dark Knight version. Before I got them in hand I hadn't noticed how different the suits are. They're completely different costumes. I have to hand it to Christopher Nolan. Whereas marketing pushed teh directors to redesign the suit every time, he was the only one to come up with a valid reason in the story for one.



I made this Bruce Wayne from spare parts. The Christian Bale head came as an extra with the Batman figure. The body was my left over Indiana Jones and the suit came from my review copy of Mr.White. The whole thing cost me nothing.



And now the Joker. This figure manages to reach the creep level Heath Ledger achieved in the film. Which means Renee doesn't want to look at it.



Since I bought two Batmans, Hot Toys felt they could sell me two Jokers. They were right. Here's the Bank Robber version from the beginning of the film. I may be the only person who loves the line, "No no, I kill the bus driver."




Hot Toys had better reference for this figure so they resculpted Joker's likeness and added it as an extra with the Bank Robber. It's adaptable to the first figure so you can actually improve him. Perfectionism or money grubbing? I refuse to answer.

Before:


After:


I'm not even finished. Two-Face is coming in the summer. And if I manage to sell anything else, there's a Batpod and Batmobile in scale. When it comes to Batman, there's no depth of crazy I won't sink.

Sweep Picking

I've been playing the guitar exactly 20 years. I can't play this.



Maybe it's time to take lessons again. He makes it look so easy. Damn you, Frank Gambale!

Facebook and Ambiguity

Ben's at the babysitter's and I'm in town so for once I'm way ahead of my work. So much that I can write an actual post.

I've been avoiding Facebook for the last year or so. I was already on myspace and I hated it. Myspace was a necessity for booking shows but that was all the good it could do. But as everyone migrated away to Facebook (Tim Warner has a joke about that so good I won't steal it) I did too. And I found something strange.

Everyone is here. Not just teenagers and creatives like Myspace. Everyone. My mom is here. Second and third cousins are here. And everyone I went to high school with is here. I feel uncomfortable about it.

There's a kind of "Magic Garden hippie commune" vibe on facebook. Anyone will add you. Anyone. Friends that haven't spoken to me in ten years added me within a day. Bitter feuds are resolved with a right click. I've been adding ex-girlfriends left and right.

And I can keep tabs on them. I can see what my old friends are doing every day. Even if I don't want to know about them, there they are. Taking pictures. Updating status. Going to dinner. There's a familiarity here I don't need. Am I a friend or a voyeur?

There's a few people I miss in my life and they are now my Facebook friends. Does this mean that everyone's cool with me? Should I message them and make jokes like I did twenty years ago? Am I back in their lives or am I just a living reminder of the past? When does it get weird? Besides now, that is?

I'm positive you have facebook friends you don't see in real life. How do you handle it? How do you treat them? How do you sleep at night?

Mark Feigenson's Cars

Collectors understand one another. Last night I dug through three of Robert Yee's closets stacked with toys. Today I'm watching this. Mark is a big vintage collector and most of his tin cars come from the 50's. Here they are. He's got the boxes even though they're not in this video.

Dad's Coming Home!

This Monday. But first I'm taking my last trip down to Baltimore to visit. I'll be in the car all day, so...you know the drill by now.

New NewsGroper Article!

I'm very happy Bush is leaving. So happy I wrote this.

Happy Birthday Walker!

Walker turns 40 next Tuesday. So let's soften the blow by mentioning it early. That'll help.

He's taking it well. So well that he's producing a giant music festival this Saturday night. I'm hosting and you're invited.




An All ages show Sat night Jan 10th in Rockaway Queens
RAA QUEENS ALL-STAR SHOW! Jan 10th 2009
@ RAA Fort Tilden Studio 6 & 7
Walker and The B.O.T.G.(It's Walker's Birthday)
with special guest B.M.W.A.& College
headline a list of great Queens artists with paintings by
Kim McCabe and Eileen Citarella
musical guests
7pm Cry-Baby
8pm Indaculture
10pm Symptom 7
11pm Rat-Trap Bumkin
12 mid Daha
$10 donation at for RAA from 7pm till 1am

Hey Bulldog

Here's another prepared piece as I recover from the trip home. It's one of my favorite obscure Beatle tracks and the only Beatle song we used to play live. I HAD NO IDEA THIS FOOTAGE EXISTED. 14 years after the Beatle anthologies and they're still finding more great stuff.



On my way to Chicago I stopped at the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. The SG George plays here used to be on display but try as I might, I couldn't find it. Sadly, I think it's been rotated out. That van with my stickers on it is gone too. The bastards.

The Road Back

I'm driving all day today. If you know my number, call me. I could use the conversation.

UPDATE: I got home earlier than I thought. I pulled in at 2:00 a.m. with a speeding ticket, gastric problems from rest stop food and wired on Red Bull. I got ninety minutes sleep and annoyed everyone. And it looks like I blew up my desktop from leaving it on for ten days. Yay, me.

Dad Recovering

Before:



After:


Looks like he's almost back to reading speed.

My Trip

Monica totally called me out on this. None of my posts have anything to do with where I've been this week. That's because it's been so busy I've been posting pieces written before I left.

Christmas we went to my Uncle Timmy's for brunch. I dropped Renee and Ben at LGA that night, went home, cleaned a bit, watched the Life of Brian Blu-Ray Monica gave me, recorded with the talk box Renee gave me and went to bed.

The next day I packed, met with Tim a bit (he's watching the cats while we're gone) and took off at 4:30. Charlie couldn't make it, Trafton couldn't make it, Tim couldn't make it so I did the 850 mile drive alone. That playlist was essential.

The drive was strangely uneventful. No one was home when I called so the long conversations on the drive didn't happen. But I didn't feel isolated or bored. I drove for eight hours then pulled into a motel 20 miles from Cleveland.

the next morning

The next day I had a little time so I stopped by the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. It was strangely underwhelming the second time. I remembered all the really cool stuff from five years ago and noticed a few things missing (Robbie Robertson's strat, George Harrison's SG). Even the Wetlands van with my stickers was gone! I also walked into the most ignorant conversation I've hever heard ("Ron Wood was the Rolling Stones's first drummer. He's dead now. Sam and Dave are a folk act. They're still together".) They'll let anyone in these days.

Got to Chicago and crashed. The next day we had Christmas at Renee's dad's. Once you're a father, you're on the road crew of Christmas. There's a big spectacle going on, but you're in the rafters making it work.

Since then, it's been travelling to Renee's mom and staying at Jill's for New Year's (champagne, oven pizza and Goodfellas). And I've finally got a moment to write this. Now if I can get a moment to write those other ten things I promised I'd finish.

Happy New Year!

All that bad stuff I mentioned yesterday? Let's pretend it's gone away.

Happy New Year's Eve!

One more day and 2008 is behind us.

I love how bad 2008 was. It was so bad when I claim it was the worst year ever no one blames my disposition. I'll put it this way; I have frostbite on the fingers typing this.

This year was vicious. Even the news anchors are glowering. Our economy basically collapsed. I told you Bush would destroy this country. He waited until his last six months to do it but he didn't disappoint. The comedy scene was dead. The best new guy I saw this year went into a coma by fall.

Personally it wasn't too good. My dad's condition took center stage. Career wise I worked two weeks and got about five spots that weren't my own show. I worked my ass off and reached no goals. San Diego wasn't all it was cracked up to be. I gained five pounds. I didn't see my best friend once the entire year. And Ben entered the terrible twos seven months early.

What was good? Obama, that seems like a smart move. He won't take office until 2009 so I won't count him. And the summer movies were great. Even ones people hated (like X Files: I Want to Believe and Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull) were enjoyable enough. And any summer that has both Iron Man and The Dark Knight is a superhero fan's dream.

I'm hoping 2009 will bring a lot more goodness into all our lives. Maybe even goodness we can participate in.

Seymour Duncan Installs Pickups

Renee agrees the P-Rails are a good idea but won't let me install them in my Les Paul myself. So instead of another guitar the LP will go off to the guitar tech I met last year. And after watching Seymour Duncan replace pickups in a Les Paul, I know why.

Seymour Duncan P-Rails

If you thought my last guitar gear post was cryptic, take a look at this. Seymour Duncan came out with a pickup that has THREE pickups sounds in it. I'm dying to get these. I'm a little afraid to put them in my Les Paul and possibly screw it up. This is a great excuse to get that SG I've been thinking about.

Unnecessary Censorship

I'm off to Chicago (and 14 hours alone in the car)but here's something to keep you company.

At this time in my life, I watch a lot of "Sesame Street" and "Mister Rogers' Neighborhood"> I don't watch a lot of Jimmy Kimmel. Which is why I was totally unprepared for this. Ben was a little bored but Renee and I had tears streaming down our faces.

Mister Rogers:



Sesame Street:

Merry Christmas!

Here's the new Muppet special. It's only available until 12/31 so watch it now.

Dad Update

He's out of the ICU!

Wow. That only took a month.

Reservoir Dogs review @figures.com

This is my last review for figures.com. After two years, I'm moving on to Pop Culture Zoo where I'll be able to cover as many toys and add movies, dvds, tv, and music. Why wouldn't I?

Check it out.

Maximum Playlist

I drove to Baltimore alone. The day after Christmas, I'll be driving to Chicago alone. That's 35 hours in the car this month alone. So I needed a good playlist. I decided I was going to take the cheesy plunge. I would do my all time favorite songs.

I had two rules. The first was it would need to be a song that I'd want to play again as soon as I heard it. And I would limit myself to one song per band (I broke that rule five times).

Not all these songs are big hits. Not all are my favories now. But all of them got me through tough times. If any of these songs are a complete mystery to you, check them out. It's easy enough to do it for free nowadays.

I Am The Walrus Beatles
Sympathy For The Devil Rolling Stones
20% Amnesia Elvis Costello
Just Radiohead
Straight Outta Compton N.W.A
Heart Shaped Box Nirvana
I Don't Wanna Grow Up Tom Waits
A Quick One, While He´s Away The Who
Gigantic Pixies
Devil's Right Hand Johnny Cash
Mary Jane's Last Dance Tom Petty
Ballad of a Thin Man Bob Dylan
Whipping Post Allman Brothers Band
Backwater Meat Puppets
Ocean Size Jane's Addiction
Welcome Home (Sanitarium) Metallica
Sleep Now in the Fire Rage Against the Machine
The Raiders March John Williams
Mad About You Sting
Wish You Were Here Pink Floyd
For The Love Of God Steve Vai
Tropicalia Beck
Country Boy Albert Lee & Hogan's Heroes
Change It Stevie Ray Vaughan
Big Bang Baby Stone Temple Pilots
Panic In Detroit David Bowie
In My Darkest Hour Megadeth
God Only Knows Beach Boys
Black Hole Sun Soundgarden
Bullet With Butterfly Wings Smashing Pumpkins
Stratford-on-Guy Liz Phair
Ain't No Sunshine Bill Withers
Honesty Billy Joel
Truth Hits Everybody Police, The
Stranger Than Fiction Bad Religion
Sure Shot Beastie Boys
Swlabr Cream
Batman Theme Danny Elfman
Hand of Doom Black Sabbath
We Gotta Get Out of This Place Animals
Hey Hey, My My (Into The Black) Neil Young
Hit The Road Jack Ray Charles
You Ought To Know Alanis Morissette
No One Knows Queens of the Stone Age
Screamager Therapy?
Otherside Red Hot Chili Peppers
Maybe I'm Amazed Paul McCartney
1941 Harry Nilsson
Bad U2
Space Lord Monster Magnet
It's Alright Ma (I'm Only Bleeding) Bob Dylan
Mr. Brownstone Guns N' Roses
I Can't Get Next to You Temptations
The Road I Must Travel The Nightwatchman
Tears of a Clown Smokey Robinson
Talkin' All That Jazz Stetsasonic
In The Summertime Roger Miller
Hey Bulldog Beatles
Five to One Doors
The Imperial March (Darth Vader's Theme) John Williams
Circle Sky Monkees
Voodoo Child (Slight Return) Jimi Hendrix
Why Does Love Got To Be So Sad Derek and The Dominos
Time After Time Cyndi Lauper
I Was Made To Love Her Stevie Wonder
Thunder Road Bruce Springsteen
Can't Change Me Chris Cornell
Shade Grove Mudcrutch
Unchained Van Halen
Ophelia The Band
Clambake Elvis Presley
Spiritual Johnny Cash
Jimmy Jazz The Clash
Ooh la La Faces
Would? Alice In Chains
MidLife Crisis Faith No More
Master Of Puppets Metallica
What's This? Nightmare Before Christmas
Boulevard Of Broken Dreams Green Day
The Chain Fleetwood Mac
Porch Pearl Jam
Ace of Spades Motörhead
Paint It Black Rolling Stones

That's 83 songs. Over 5 and a half hours of music. I should do fine.

What's your playlist?

Dad Update

Wednesday they took the tube out. He looked deflated and back to his normal body size. He looked much better and was talking to visitors.

Overnight things got worse. They think the infection is seeping through the wound. He was fuzzy when I visited yesterday. When the nurses asked where he was, he said "Philadelphia". I'm not sure if he knew I was there. He kept trying to get out of bed but didn't have the physical strength to do it. At one point he asked me to shoot Woody Allen. We need to take things day by day.

When I got home, Ben was teething, coughing and throwing up. Some days you eat the bear...

Indy collection

I'm off to Baltimore to visit Dad. He's doing much better. They took the tube out yesterday so I'll get to hear what he has to say. Until I get back you can look at these.

My dad's one of the reasons I love Indiana Jones. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade wasn't just a father and son story. It was the story of a son dealing with a bald, opinionated, intellectual father. It didn't hurt that the son was the coolest character ever.

So when the merchandise came around for the new movie, I bought everything. The 3 3/4" line was fun (if short lived) but I was really waiting for the 12" line. The character is made for this style of figure, with his rumpled clothing and small relics. They've finally started to ship within the last month (two months after Crystal Skull hit DVD) and they seemed to arrive at my door every day. Even after waiting 25 years for these, I customized just about all of them.

You've already seen this one. Henry Jones Sr. and Indiana Jones are from Medicom. The tie and 21st Century Toys motorcycle are from ebay and Henry Jones has a grail diary in pocket hand made and customized by a guy I found on a message board.



Here's Sideshow's 12 inch Raiders of the Lost Ark Indiana Jones. They developed a new body for this figure but I used the Japanese Hot Toys body instead. He has the headpiece to the staff of Ra in his pocket and the idol in his bag.



The new Sideshow body went to this guy. Indy comes with an extra hatless head so I made this Professor Jones custom. The suit is Giles from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and the glasses are Skinner from The X Files. The enevelope is part of that grail diary custom.



I bought a second Indy so I could make this. He's on a Hot Toys muscular body and the shirt is my 1982 Kenner doll. The machete is a G.I. Joe and the scars are Sharpie. He has all three Sankara Stones in his bag. It's my least favorite movie and my favorite figure.



These last two weren't customs but hard to get. The Indy in German outfit almost wasn't released as Hasbro cancelled the line on top of him. I had to pay through the nose to get one but there he is. The Ark was a mail away that took me six months and a couple of figures I didn't want before I could own it.



Sideshow is continuing the line even though no one else is. I have Belloq (with an idol pedestal) and Toht on order and a River Phoenix Indiana Jones from Medicom. Selling those cds paid for it all. Even though my dad doesn't love these films as much as I do, having these characters around help me think of him.

Guitar Mod

I haven't done a guitar gear post in a long time. Then again, I haven't had a reason.

I've had my pewter 2006 American Standard for a year now. I've never had a guitar that fit as comfortably or played as easily as this one:



But it had one problem. It didn't sound so good with distortion. Add some gain and the guitar immediately got too loud and harsh. It was gorgeous clean so for the last year the strat was my clean guitar and I went to the Les Paul for heavy. Fine for the home studio.

But it always bugged me. So on Black Friday I went to GC with a gift card and a few coupons and picked up a JB Jr. It's a humbucker that fits in the space of a single coil. So I didn't need a whole new pickguard. I rarely pull out the soldering iron but I installed it in the bridge position pretty easily.



It sounded perfect but I still missed the cutting sound of that bridge single coil. So this weekend I got a push/pull 500K pot from ebay. Putting it in the volume slot was a DISASTER (I burned myself twice and ended up with no volume control) but an hour later it was in the tone position it worked perfectly.



I lost some "quack" (out of phase nasal tone) but I got both strong single coil and humbucker sounds in the bridge. Heavy it sounds like Van Halen but I can still get a piercing punk sound from it. While I was at it I gave it the locking tuners (which added sustain) and the tremsetter from my 91 Tele Plus. That guitar was my first real electric but weighs 14 pounds so it doesn't get as much action as it used to.

I can't believe I successfully rewired anything in my life. I used to take apart machines to see how they worked and ended up with broken machines. This guitar is actually better because I messed with it. Now I finally have a guitar versatile enough for any jam session. I just need to go find a jam session.

Iraqi Journalist Throws Shoes at Bush

This happened over the weekend but I can still watch it all day. It may be the only time Bush has ever has to face what he's done to the world.

X Files review

I'm very happy to be at Pop Culture Zoo. Especially when they disagree with my views ahd post my review anyway.

Read my thoughts on the new X Files movie.

BTW, Dad's doing much better. I went to visit him yesterday and even though he can't talk, he's in great spirits. He even asked for a book!

Dad's very touched by all the well wishers so thanks for letting me know. Rick Overton, you can stay at the house whenever you want.

Monica Update

My sister just posted this on her blog:

Dad's had no positive changes in the past 24 hours. He's going in this morning for an invasive procedure (Swan Ganz catheter) that will directly measure the pressure on his heart. He's getting so much fluid that they need to be better able to monitor his heart.

They're hoping for some positive change by this afternoon. As of now, things are very serious, and I believe he's in critical condition. All thoughts and prayers you can spare are much needed!

Monica

She just updated with something a little more positive:

Dad's on an upswing, but he's been on a rollercoaster so there could be more drama to follow. He's more alert and he actually.....wait for it...... DANCED (wiggled his head arms and feet) when asked how he was feeling! Yep! He's trying to communicate but has the ventilator in so he's getting frustrated. Where's the speech pathology dept when you need them?! :)

His heart rate is high but his blood pressure is improving. Once he's stable, they can give him medicine to reduce more swelling. He will probably be on the ventilator for another day or so. He's running a fever, which is to be expected with the sepsis. He's sleeping a lot but is quite alert when he IS awake. These are all good signs! He's definitely not out of the woods yet, but it's looking better.

We'll be heading down tomorrow afternoon. Siobhan is singing with her theater group at a breakfast with Santa that ends around 1:00. We'll check in to the hotel and I'll go see Dad for a quick visit. He's really not up for visitors at all but he gets that his kids NEED to see him so he'll tolerate my presence for a short while, i'm sure. Then we'll try to take mom out for a little R&R and maybe even a pint of something yummy.

I'm bringing the laptop and i do have my new iphone :p so I'll update the blog while we're in MD. Hopefully i'll have more positive news to post!

Dad Update

There's an infection in his wound(where he was stitched together). So he's back in surgery. My plan to visit today has been postponed.

Congratulations Jeannie and Aaron!

Every now and then you meet a couple that's so genuinely great you want them to have a better life than you do. I first met Jeannie five years ago when she interned at Wunderman. She was so sweet, funny and talented that I was sure her husband would be an ass. Fortunately, Aaron is just as cool as she is. Now that they have twins, that's two more people in the most awesome family ever.






Welcome Graham and Lachan!

Darth Maul review at figures.com!

Robert Yee called me up and asked if I'd like to come down to the studio and preview Diamond's new Ultimate Quarter Scale figure line. Then two companies got involved and it wasn't like the old days at all.

Here's the review.

Update

Dad has an infection so he's still in the ICU.

Dad Update

We've been in Texas for Jack's christening but Dad had his surgery Friday.

Turns out the stricture was not caused by the radiation but by diverticulitis, which he's had in the past. The operation ended up more complicated than predicted. He was under the knife for six hours and recovered in the ICU.

But he's doing very well. Johnny says his labs look great and he'll be in Johns Hopkins for another week. I'll try to drive to Baltimore this week.

New NewsGroper article!

"Chinese Democracy" took longer than any album ever recorded. Arnold Schwarzennegar blames himself.

Read!

Axl Update

Dad had his exploratory yesterday. they drained some fluid so he's feeling better. Looks like the big operation will be Friday. But so far, he's ok.

Axl Rose however, is not okay. He's mad at Dr. Pepper.



Wonder if Tim Warner is also mad at Dr. Pepper?

Update Update

Dad is scheduled for surgery at 4:00 today. Everything looks fine.

Dad Update

My Dad's in the hospital again.

You may recall he had a quintuple bypass last spring. It has nothing to do with this. You may also remember that he beat prostate cancer last year. The cancer's gone but the complications remain.

Dad had radioactive seeds planted in his prostate to destroy the cancer. he was told it would be the least invasive way to go. For four years he got worse and worse then completely better.

Well, it turns out having radioactive objects in your body doesn't do it much good. (sorry, Spider-Man). The seeds created a buildup of scar tissue in his colon and now nothing's coming through it. He's been on a liquid diet for a month btu this past weekend even that didn't help. He spent 12 hours in the ER and the last four days on an IV.

But the hospital can't do anything for him. They can't perform the surgery that will help him. That can only be done in Long Island. And they can't transfer him there. He has an appointment next Wednesday with the surgeon. Which is ten days from the time he went into the hospital.

So I called my cousin Johnny who not only is my best friend in the family and Ben godfather but a doctor in Johns Hopkins. He got my dad admitted in Baltimore before he even left New York. My mom drove him down today and now we're waiting. At least something is happening.

I'll keep you updated here.