Ben Thanksgiving

Renee and Ben decided a the last minute to go to the parade. Because when you live in New York, you can do that.

Chinese Democracy on Pop Culture Zoo!

When I met the figures.com staff at Toy Fair, one of the best guys there was Dan Clark. He left soon after to create Pop Culture Zoo, which covers not only figures but movies, tv, comics and music. I loved what he was doing over there and I wanted to do it too. So I'll be writing a few pieces for him.

And here's the first; the long awaited Guns n' Roses "Chinese Democracy" album. I was planning to make fun of this. Then it blew me away.

Read my review.

Writer's Room Tonight!

Jon Clarke (McSweeney's)
DC Pierson (Derrick)
Donald Glover (30 Rock)
Colin Jost (SNL)

And a sketch by Drink At Work

$5.

The PIT154 W 29th St(Between 6th and 7th Aves)

9:30 TONIGHT!

Ben Month 17

FAO has a Muppet workshop. renee took him over the weekend. I should probably take him again. You know, in case he missed something.

Green Lantern review at figures.com!

Some cool characters, lackluster toys and way too many pictures.

All here.

Ebert reviews Indy

Just because I like Roger Ebert and love "Raiders of the Lost Ark", here's why he thinks it's one of the greatest movies ever made.

New Star Trek Trailer!

It's so good Renee almost called Star Trek "cool".

I had my doubts about recasting the original characters. Paramount has always created new characters to further the franchise. But J.J. Abrams seems to have done a "Batman Begins" on this; taking everything taht worked about the original concept and amping it up to 12. I think kids will love it and never want to watch the original series.

I can't embed it yet but I can link it.

Forced Insomnia

I went to bed at 11:30. Ben woke up crying at 12:30. He didn't go back down until 3:30. Then he woke up at 7.

Welcome to useless.

Ben Month 16

It's almost too cold for the playground. Ben doesn't realize that.

The Plastic-Less Office

I just sold my last cd. After twenty years and close to 1000 albums, I now own no music on compact disc.

The idea came to me a couple of years ago. Ed's friend Barton (who used to run an amazing music blog) decided once he had all his music on mp3, he no longer needed the discs. So he sold them in lots on ebay and did fairly well. The idea stuck in my brain until Ben started crawling. Every day, he'd go to the cd bookcase and grab handfuls of records, scattering them all over the floor. The fiftieth time I put my original copy of 3rd Bass' "Derelects of Dialect" back on the shelf, I wondered what the point was.

I'm an archivist. I'm not proud of that side of myself, but it's there. The house is full of stuff that I just HAD to own three years ago. If I'm into an artists' work, I want EVERYTHING by that artist. Season 9 of the X Files. Beatle anthologies. I own Jack Kirby's Fantastic Four run twice in hardcover. I just want to know I have a good copy at my fingertips.

But with music, I always do. I own a 160 GB ipod that's not full. I have 700 GBs of hard drive space for my files. They're backed up on a 500 GB hard drive that resides in Connecticut and a new 1.5 TB drive on the shelf. Why do I need fifth copies of everything on 700 MB cds?

I don't. So off they went. Secondspin.com took almost everything at decent (for this economy) prices. It took three months but now the cd bookcase has actual books in it. Throw in a digitized comic book library (I miss those GIT Marvel DVD ROMs) and my obsession becomes virtual and my space becomes liveable.

Now if I could only figure out a way to digitize action figures.

New NewsGroper article!

I had one more thing to say about George W. Bush. That's because George W. Bush had more to say.

Veteran's Day

If today's a holiday and only the post office gets it off, shouldn't they stop telling us about it?

UPDATE: Apparantly everyone else is off while Renee and I work another 12 hour day. Today just got a lot longer.

Siskel and Ebert and the Worst Movie Ever Made

I'm getting excited for the Blu-Ray release of "The Dark Knight" which will drop in a month (and is already breaking Blu-Ray records). I've watched "Batman Begins" on Blu-Ray and am salivating over some high priced Japanese imported figures.

Thinking about how good this movie is reminds me how bad the George Clooney version was. I will never forgive Schumacher for making such a turd. And it's good to see in 1997 Siskel and Ebert agreed with me.



Nice to see Ebert healthy and Siskel alive, isn't it?

And just for fun, here's their review of the Burton 1989 film. I particularly like where they say it's not for kids and argue if it's better than "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade".

New NewsGroper Article!

George W. Bush forgot to vote.

Hopefully that is the last time I will ever write George W. Bush on this blog.

Thank God!

Looks like I'm going to have to stop hating the President.

Election Day!

Vote for Obama. You'll feel better.

Happy Halloween!

We're going to have to tone down the gore this year.

New NewsGroper article!

I couldn't get that William Shatner/George Takei story out of my head.

Neither could Leonard Nimoy.

They Showed Up!

All the way from Japan. Months in the waiting. Too much in the paying. Lots of ebay in the customizing. But I can finally make this:



"Junior!"

Shtick or Treat

If you weren't there, you missed the most fun comedy show this year. 35 comics and everyone did well. Since we were performing as other people, no one's ego got crushed by a joke that fell flat. No one got big headed when they killed with someone else's material. Everyone enjoyed themselves.

I performed as Bob Newhart. This is what I did.

Special Halloween Show Tomorrow!

I've been performing only when it's fun. Tomorrow night should be hilarious. Mark Normand invited me to his Halloween show at the Creek. 30 comedians do 3 minutes each, but as their favorite comic. Their material, their style. Guess who I'm doing?

Shtick or Treat
The Creek
10-93 Jackson Ave
Long Island City, NY
10/25 8 p.m.

William Shatner and George Takei Still Hate Each Other

You guys are in your 70's. You haven't worked together in about 20 years. Just leave each other alone.

Temple of Doom review at figures.com!

The Indiana Jones action figure line is dead. In four months it went from being the next Star Wars to the last Narnia. The boards are alive with blame. Wal-Mart ordered too much. Hasbro used bad factories. Lucas wanted too much Mutt. Kids hate old guys.

I don't know what went wrong and as sad as I am I can't continue to get Indy characters for years to come, I'm grateful for what I got. And I'm really grateful I managed to snag the line from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Not only does it complete all four films in the franchise, it's also has the best figures ever done for it.

Take a look!

Rambo

The new Rambo is the most violent film I've ever seen without a zombie in it. Still not as stupid as 2 or 3.



Want to see people explode into pieces? Rent this mother.

Zakk Wylde

Zakk Wylde is a phenomenal guitarist. Ozzy hired him when he was only 20 and he's managed to improve from there. You are not going to see any of that skill here. Zakk plays deliberately badly in this Guitar World lesson that's more charming than hilarious.

Ben Month 15.1

Last week we went to Virginia for my cousin Emily's wedding. Ben wore a bow tie.

Neal Hefti

Walker let me know that Neal Hefti passed away this week. Hefti was a great jazz composer who wrote tons of hits for Count Basie. He also wrote the music for "The Odd Couple" and the theme to "Batman". Yes, that theme. Music so memorable and simple that Ben sings it today. He will be missed.

New NewsGroper article!

Ringo Starr hates you.

This is why.

South Park Rapes Indiana Jones

They really hated Crystal Skull.

Here's the full episode.

Toy Wishes 2008

Here's the report of the show I attended last week. Most of the pictures got messed up (resizing miscommunication) but the full report is here.

Or here.

Ben Month 16

Ben and Renee went to Florida last week. Ben was as happy there as he is everywhere else.

Lord Destructo Joins Dr. Horrible

This is why I didn't post yesterday.

At SDCC Joss Whedon let fans know he was taking supervillian video applications for the Evil League of Evil. The winners will appear on the extras of the Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog DVD. Since Whedon is one of my heroes, I wanted to give him my best. Instead of wearing makeup and a funny hat for a webcam, I wrote and directed this sketch. If Trafton Crandall and Billy the Kid hadn't helped me, it wouldn't be up now.



Is it DVD worthy?

Busy

I'm off to cover the Toy Wishes 2008 show and shoot something very, very fast. I'll post all about those later.

The Late Show at Comix

Friday night I finally got to see one of my favorite comedians and writers, Dana Gould, at Comix. It was a learning experience.

Joe DeVito hosted. I hadn't seen Joe in a bit and have never seen him host. He was definitely putting the work in. The crowd was small for the venuie (about 35 people) and sluggish. One guy was at the table in front. He was about 6"2 so he stood out in the audience. With his 65 year old scowling tourist face and four martinis, he was going to bring this room down.

Matt McCarthy opened. Matt is amazing and I've been playing calender tag with him for months trying to get him on Writer's Room. The 65 year old guy hated him and alternated between mumbled heckles and head shaking. Matt had to abandon his set to shut this guy down. he stopped complaining but never stopped talking.

Then Dana Gould headlined. Dana is precisely the comic I want to be. Smart, dark, cartoony, personal and full of characters. He's written for "The Simpsons" for God's sake. And even he had a hard time with the 65 year old tourist. It was a thrill to watch him and a revelation to see him struggle. It truly never ends.

I talked to Matt after the show. He told me Dana Gould said to him, "This is why Steve Martin quit comedy. The Friday night second show." These were three guys I respect and revere. They all personify the goal for me. And they all struggled like hell. It makes me wonder, once again, is this a road I really want to follow?

The Definition of "Maverick"

" A lone dissenter, as an intellectual, an artist, or a politician, who takes an independent stand apart from his or her associates. "

That means, Sarah Palin, they can't be a TEAM!

But they can be James Garner.

New NewsGroper Article!

It's about Sarah Palin. And it's entirely adolescent.

And it's here.

Have a great debate everybody!

Iron Man Blu-Ray is Why I Have a Blu-Ray

And there's a two hour documentary on the disc that rules just as mightily. There is one moment in that documentary that hits me where I live: Jon Favreau looking at the Minimates and calling them awesome.

I just made Robert Yee's day with that piece of info.

One Less Reason to Do Comedy

If you go to The Onion now, you'll see a joke I already co-wrote for McSweeneys last year.

Thanks, Drucker.

Bailout Fails

When Bush got reelected, I gave us three years before we collpased like the Soviet Union.

Looks like I was one year early.

I was wary of the buyout plan form the start. This administration has always been good to big business. After American Airlines had some financial trouble (because their planes were used in the greatest mass murder in this country's history) they were given 3 billion dollars from our government. American responded by raising fares, cutting food and overbooking flights. Good going, America.

Now thanks to deregulation, we had a housing bubble which kept me renting the last five years. I can't get a 500K house now for less than 8. And thanks to all those families defaulting on those loans, the housing market collapsed. Which means there are less houses for sale. Oh, and they took half the banks with them.

The banks that couldn't be bought by other banks turned to the government. And they responded with 700 billion dollars we don't have and a bill so full of holes Republicans wouldn't vote for it. It died while I was getting a haircut and the dow dropped a record 777 points. CNN has been saying "Great Depression" ever since. Which means higher unemployment at a time when I was getting back into the workforce.

But oil prices fell. Didn't take much, did it?

Debate Blogging

9:16. Obama is going straight for his points. McCain is telling stories. Lehrer's trying to get a dialogue going. So far Lehrer's doing the best job.

9:25 They're starting to cut each other off. Good. McCain looks like a cross between Eisenhower and Tim Conway. Not all of him inspires confidence.

9:55 So McCain wants to cut domestic programs but nothing overseas. Once again the people of other countries are more important than us.

10:15 Pre-condition. Hot topic!

10:40. It's over. And George Stephanopolous agrees with me.

Dave is Mad at McCain

CNN was divided on whether John McCain suspending his campaign was a good or bad thing. According to Letterman,it's a very bad thing. And I don't think it will help.

Writer's Room Was Last Night

I'm as surprised as you are.

Thanks to everyone who came out despite my best intentions and made it a great show.

New Old Play Cole Video!

Let's polish up this chestnut. Figures.com told me they couldn't run "William Shatner on the Muppet Show" unless I cleaned up Andrew's potty mouth. I also cut the jokes that only I find funny.

Enjoy!

Writer's Room is Back!

This Thursday, homos.

Iron Man review at figures.com!

I've been working on a new animation that has me stumped. It's got ten speaking parts and a cast of fifty extras. The real trouble is, they're all Minimates. I thought Robert Yee would like that.

But I did this review for figures.com which just proves how hard the little buggers are to shoot.

Maybe I should do it with 12" figures.

Read the review!

There's a New Mitch Hedberg Album Out There!

And you should find it. And buy it.

In my head I said that like Mitch.

I Got Up Again

I haven't been on stage in two months.

After the Philly's Funniest competition, where I performed perfectly for an audience that wasn't with me, I wondered if I should keep going. My life doesn't give me the opportunity to hang out and network much so I don't get booked often. It's been a long time since I killed and since I'm published in comedy often, maybe I've gotten all I could out of stand-up.

But Eric I asked me to do a spot at Comix. And Renee told me to do it. So I went. It was a little open mike thing but most of my friends were there, listening and enjoying each other's material. I got up fourth and did a good chunk of material I'd written that day. Some worked, some didn't. I had as good a set as anyone else, which for that line-up is saying something.

But the most important thing was it was pressure free. I didn't worry about having a great set. I didn't worry about how much better the other comics did. I didn't worry about where my life was going. I just wanted to get up. I missed it. And I enjoyed it.

When I posted about my frustration with stand-up, no one left a comment. But people kept coming up to me. "I hear you're quitting comedy?" Everyone seemed confused. It's not like when I stopped playing in bands. People shrugged, figured I was growing up. But with comedy, people wondered why I would walk away from soemthing I was good at. Well, you're right. I shouldn't. I'll be hosting Writer's Room at the PIT next Thursday. Stop by.

9-11-08

Seven years later, I don't have much new to say. But my Uncle Tim took this picture and I think it says it all.

Ben Month 14.2

While I was working, Renee and Ben went back to Colorado for the weekend. This kid can travel. I didn't set foot on a plane until I was 15.

New NewsGroper Article!

And, since this Batman story hits me where I live, I had to write a piece about it.

Batman Says the "C" Word

When DC announced Frank Miller and Jim Lee were teaming up to create a new Batman comic, fans rejoiced. Until they saw it. Frank Miller is apparantly trying to destroy his writing career (while launching a directing one) with this book. It's not bad, it's awful. And the fact that they've only published nine issues in three years means they took their time making it awful.

But now it's sunk to new lows as the new issue has been recalled. Because Batman apprantly calls someone the "C" word. Is this offensive? Probably, but I don't care. Is it stupid and out of character? Absolutely. He's already had Bruce calling himself "The Goddamn Batman", screwing Black Canary, slapping Robin and punching out Green Lantern for no reason. This is just Miller trying to top himself.

But who at DC let this out? No one thought to cut the word before the book saw press? And weeks later, once it arrived at stores, now they panic and tell store owners to pull it? It's a costly move just to garner some press that Batman doesn't need these days (if the character ever needed more press). The end result is that a book that's three months late now got pushed back another month. Thanks, Frank. You're a comics genius.

Gibson Guitar factory

Still busy. If you're not, want to see how guitars are made?

NewsGroper one liner

I'm swamped at work (even came in on saturday) so I've had little time for any other writing. For example, this is all I had for NewsGroper.

Larry David Hates Cancer

Found this on Black 20. Ah, good old Black20.

Johnnie Walker

I'm digging Geni, the online family tree, even though it's a pain in the butt. On the one hand they email me about seven times a day. On the other, I learn about family members I never knew.

Here's a perfect example. For years I heard a rumor that we had a silent film star in the family. The story was a beacon of hope for those of us who became performers (quite a few). My uncle Jimmy would tell me stories of the great actor. "Oh, he was so handsome. Always wore his hat tilted to one side". That's all the information I got. I heard that story so many times I began to disbelieve it. Who gets famous for wearing a hat tilted to one side?

Turns out the rumors are true. I looked on the family tree and there's my second great uncle, Johnnie Walker. And there's a picture.




Here he is on imdb. He made 91 movies. And he's real. And hey, look how he's wearing that hat!

Thanks, Geni.

New Play Cole Podcast!

Every time I watch X-Men 3: The Last Stand I can't believe how bad it gets. Then I can't believe how funny it is that it's gotten this bad.

In this Play Cole Podcast, Jon Clarke, Mike Drucker, Mark Normand, Alex Grubard and Billy the Kid watch Brett Ratner go through Bryan Singer's X-Men franchise with a fine-tooth pickaxe.

Listen!

God no!

Star Trek: the Experience is closing.

Yes, its a bad economy. Yes, the franchise is dead. Yes, it was never cool to begin with. But the Experience was awesome. Bill and I went two years ago and it was one of the best weekends I've ever had. We went on the rides five times. We bought communicators and rank pins. We got drunk on blue beer. We talked to Klingons. We got hit on by women. Yes, there was a place where Trekkies could actually be hit on by women. Married men.

And now it's gone. No one will be able to be beamed up anymore. No one will get to see Shatner's uniform. No one will ever get to take pictures like this:



It's a crime.